He just couldn't cut it.
Time to baguette.
DAD: "Man, I am dizzy from mowing the lawn"
ME: "Drink some water and lay down, it's hot out there!"
DAD: "Go look at the lawn" wink
He mowed the lawn in a giant circle pattern... The circumferences that man will go for a joke
...I just couldn’t cut it 🤨
She said: "Stop beating around the bush and get to it!"
It was very much gay mower
I had to cut it short.
I didn't realize I was cutting it close.
My dad shouted at me from the balcony and said "If you cut off your legs mowing that lawn, don't you come running to me".
He just didn’t cut it.
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
E-mow
Son : Please don't Dad: Now hes Lawn gone
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"
My stuff is out on the street
I’m afraid that won’t cut it.
The top.
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
Cleanup is a breeze.
I just wasn’t cutting it.
it was mow-stly complete
“I’d like to be that rich one day”. Says Billy.
“What, buy new turf?” Asks Shamus.
“No, send my grass away to be mowed”. Replies Billy.
Multiple tornado warnings in south central Wisconsin where I live and my dad's first response is "We better not have a tornado. I just mowed the lawn, I don't want my house's debris all over it."
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.
Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
A mow-hawk
Me: Baking a cake this morning. Husband coming in from mowing: OMG how did it get to be 3:50 already!
It was blind mowing.
Neighbor Dad 2: That’s on a need to mow basis.
While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.
"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"
"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"
My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.
He tractor down.
I'm coming up with "punny names" for 3 different services. Yard work, Babysitting, and dogwalking. So far, all I have is "Patty O's lawn mowing service"
I need two of each. Thanks!
Protesters surrounded the building shouting: "Re-member the Al who mowed!"
Dad: Take my advice ...
...I'm not using it ———————————————
Every time my step Dad comes up with a foolproof solution..
along comes a more-talented fool
..dad
———————————————
When I married Ms. Right...
I had no idea her first name was Always.
———————————————
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test
The other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
———————————————
He who laughs last
...thinks slowest.
———————————————
Women sometimes make fools of men
...but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
———————————————
I was going to give her the nasty look
..but she already had one.
———————————————
Change is inevitable
...except from a vending machine.
———————————————
The grass may be greener on the other side
...but at least you don't have to mow it.
- [ ]
My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.
"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."
At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"
He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"
