He just didn’t cut it.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
Son : Please don't Dad: Now hes Lawn gone
Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"
My stuff is out on the street
I’m afraid that won’t cut it.
They have a rough job.
Cleanup is a breeze.
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
He just couldn't cut it.
Time to baguette.
E-mow
DAD: "Man, I am dizzy from mowing the lawn"
ME: "Drink some water and lay down, it's hot out there!"
DAD: "Go look at the lawn" wink
He mowed the lawn in a giant circle pattern... The circumferences that man will go for a joke
...I just couldn’t cut it 🤨
She said: "Stop beating around the bush and get to it!"
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
It was very much gay mower
The top.
I had to cut it short.
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
I didn't realize I was cutting it close.
My dad shouted at me from the balcony and said "If you cut off your legs mowing that lawn, don't you come running to me".
it was mow-stly complete
I just wasn’t cutting it.
“I’d like to be that rich one day”. Says Billy.
“What, buy new turf?” Asks Shamus.
“No, send my grass away to be mowed”. Replies Billy.
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.
Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Multiple tornado warnings in south central Wisconsin where I live and my dad's first response is "We better not have a tornado. I just mowed the lawn, I don't want my house's debris all over it."
A mow-hawk
A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
Neighbor Dad 2: That’s on a need to mow basis.
While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.
"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"
"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"
My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.
He tractor down.
Me: Baking a cake this morning. Husband coming in from mowing: OMG how did it get to be 3:50 already!
It was blind mowing.
Dad: Take my advice ...
...I'm not using it ———————————————
Every time my step Dad comes up with a foolproof solution..
along comes a more-talented fool
..dad
———————————————
When I married Ms. Right...
I had no idea her first name was Always.
———————————————
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test
The other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
———————————————
He who laughs last
...thinks slowest.
———————————————
Women sometimes make fools of men
...but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
———————————————
I was going to give her the nasty look
..but she already had one.
———————————————
Change is inevitable
...except from a vending machine.
———————————————
The grass may be greener on the other side
...but at least you don't have to mow it.
- [ ]
Protesters surrounded the building shouting: "Re-member the Al who mowed!"
so I pointed and said "Where everybody knows your mane."
Ya know that mouthwatering hunger you get when you smell the meat cooking on the BBQ. I wonder if vegetarians get the same feeling when they mow the lawn.
