on Sonday.
So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.
So far I got:
You're ex-cell-ent mom!
I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!
Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)
^((But they're kind of trash))
Ideas from others:
Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15
I'm making Mothers day cards for my mother deli co-workers. I kind of have have an idea for one of them (http://imgur.com/3FKyto0) I want to play on deli themes.
Prima Della is one of the brands we use, others are Hormel, Charlie's Pride, Sara Lee, and Jenny O. In the deli we have a deep frier and hot case, meat/cheese slicers and make sandwiches/salads.
Any fun plays on words for any of those that would make a fun PG-PG13 card? Nothing too vulgar, I work with these ladies
http://imgur.com/QN9AElv,bwZknVk
"Those cards probably have something shitty inside of them" He proceeded to giggle and asked if I got it.
“thank you for your cervix.”
I said “thanks for having me.”
I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words, He told me "My wife is bellissimo"
I told him, "That's beautiful"
Happy mother's day!
So I made her angry
It meant a great deal to me.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
Now she's a cross aunt
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
They store it in dad-a-base.
What Job did Beethoven get after he died?
He decomposed.
Lipstick
But she was wrong. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Kid said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.”
I think she is in love with me.
The cashier said nevermind
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
Don't exaggerate!!
... because I'm a smart a**
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
So far they have spent less than her everyday, so I'm not saying anything.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
But I just couldn't completely digest it.
It's night.
A subreddit.
I saw her snatch.
Mumbai.
“Zulus?”
“No I usually won”
Too many cheetahs
"You know, one would have been enough."
A croissant...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
It was cache only.
It was the hardest day of my life
Bare minimum
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
