It's been 3 days since my Mom died; I had moved in with her a little over a year ago as her health was declining; she's been to the hospital many times since then, had some close calls, ups and downs like a roller coaster, it's not been fun for her, and had been in the hospital for a few weeks when it looked like she might be ready for rehab and maybe be out by Christmas so we could visit my brother and his family, when she took a sharp downturn, and this past Sunday she passed away.
My Aunt certainly has her cross to bear, as she is taking care of her younger brother who also has many health problems; she called me earlier this evening, asking how I'm doing (not well); she tells me I need to get over that, and proceeds to unload all her troubles on me.
Don't get me wrong, she's older than my late mother and has been going through a lot, and I can totally understand her needing someone to talk to, which I am happy to do, but man, just 3 days after my Mom's death telling me I should just "get over it", that's just IMO in very poor taste, and seems callous.
Sorry to unload like that.
First time ever posting on Reddit and first time ever seeking advice on the internet about my toxic relationship with my uBPD mother. I hope I'm doing this right and if I miss anything, please let me know and I'll happily edit my post. Now onto my story...
Two days ago, she, my brother, and I got into a heated argument where in classic fashion she is always right and her kids are good for nothings, stupid, and will suffer without her.
After years of being her breadwinner (I'm 29 now and have been working jobs to keep us afloat since I was 18), suffering from her verbal/emotional abuse, being the victim of her horrible impulsive choices and unwillingness to better herself (we've been homeless 3 times), and hearing the horrifically untrue word vomit she spewed at my brother before involving me (because if one "child" triggers her wrath then both have to be villains)... I finally screamed at her and unleashed all the pain and anger I bottled inside all my life and kicked her out of our apartment.
Since then, I've been dealing with the physical and mental aftermath of not just screaming with the intensity of a banshee just to stand up for myself but with emotional and mental anguish. That blowout left me with a sore throat, a tightness in my chest from screaming, and with a headache and lightheadedness that hasnt went away.
She is staying with my aunt (who heard everything over the phone because my mother called her to say how horrible we are) and decided to take her in for whatever reason.
Today, she texted me saying her bank account has been overdrawn because of her monthly fees. I didn't answer but that text alone triggered me to the point of tears. She has the audacity to text me, not to apologize, not to see how we're doing and try to make amends... but to fucking tell me her account is withdrawn...
Please... please help me... I've never felt so defeated in my life. I'm fighting the parts of me that want to please her and to amend the situation which ultimately ends up with me gaslighting myself and ignoring all she's done wrong to me.
I'm lost... scared, angry, still in plenty of discomfort and pain. I'm the only person working in my home and my brother has been looking for work but this has me torn. I have a feeling my brother despite knowing how toxic she is, will enable her and try to let her come back.
I told my brother yesterday that if he wants his mother to come back to live in the apartment (that is a studio with no separate rooms, no
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This happened back in June of this year.
For some context, I have, or better said, HAD, a friend that liked to do pretty big parties whenever it was his birthday. I attended a few and they were pretty fun, we all had a good time eating, playing games, etc.
This year was supposed to be no different, but due to some problems during my school year, I had to do finals (In the high school I go, if you don't get 8 or higher at the end of the year, you have to do a final exam before vacations). I had to do math, history and biology finals, and the biology one was in the day of his party. I called him, told him that I couldn't attend but I would send him a gift and wished him a happy birthday, he said it was cool and that we could meet up after the exam and we left it at that.
Comes the day of my exam and his party. I wish him a happy day and I go do my exam. In the middle of it, I start getting calls from his mom which I decided not to answer. Eventually it go so annoying I put my phone on silence to concentrate. When I finished the exam, I looked at my phone and got shocked. His mom had sent 14 calls to me (for reference, I put the phone on silent when she called for the fifth time). I decided to call myself to see what was up. Even before I got a chance to speak, she yelled me so hard I had to get the phone away for a second.
She then started to tell me how I'm a horrible person for not attending her son's party and for sending him "a simple coloring book like he was a child" (I bought him a manga he wanted, The Promised Neverland, and those that read mangas know that they're in black and white).
I told her that I needed to do my biology final or I would fail the class and would have to repeat it next year, yet she refused to listen. She kept yelling at me, calling me names, telling me how I would have probably failed that exam anyways because "I'm stupid".
Now, I'm not so proud of this next part. For context, I'm not someone who can keep his cool when others are yelling at me, and this time I answered by yelling at her back, telling her to leave me the fk alone and hung up. Again, I'm not proud of how I lost my cool there.
Next day, I expected his call to meet up but it never came. I texted him, but didn't got an answer. I figured it was my fault, and he was angry at me for yelling at his mom. I decided that it was best for him to calm down before we spoke again.
1 day after that, I get a message from my friend. As I opened it, I noticed it was a big w
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