If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..
What Job did Beethoven get after he died?
He decomposed.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
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︎ Mar 11 2021
What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
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︎ Mar 12 2021
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, βSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?β
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︎ Mar 13 2021
My wife texted, "I can't stand my mother."
So I replied, "Try laying her down."
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︎ Mar 13 2021
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Did you hear about the son who tried to stab his mother while she slept? Fortunately he missed her with every blow, the knife plunging over and over into the bed.
The police ended up charging him with attempted mattress-cide.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
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︎ Dec 24 2020
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Me: βOh, I wish Iβd listened to my motherβ Friend: βWhy? Whatβd she tell you?β
Me: βI donβt know, I wasnβt listeningβ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"
"Because you're using his plate."
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︎ Feb 11 2021
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my motherβs in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, βBecause your mother is always right.β
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︎ Jan 16 2021
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I have a constant urge to eat my motherβs pot brownies...
I think Iβve developed an edible complex.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
What do you call the wife of an elephantβs motherβs brother?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Which spice will get a mother busted for trying to buy booze underage?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didnβt razor right.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?
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︎ Jan 04 2021
How I Met Your Mother was just
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Your mother is iron man. How do I know?
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︎ Dec 19 2020
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I took out my mother in law yesterday
Being a sniper is so much fun
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︎ Dec 11 2020
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?
Can't say. Mum's the word.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic
because she died from a giant crab.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?
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︎ Oct 08 2020
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."
Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."
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︎ Dec 03 2020
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
What does your mother's sister eat when she's mad?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
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︎ Aug 09 2020
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
My children got their good looks from their mother.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
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︎ Aug 20 2020
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Dear Mother in law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just
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︎ Oct 09 2020
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