My Crow Micro'd Mike Rowe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0z4-
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Is your name Michael? Yes or No?

Thank you for your participation.

I'm doing a Mike Check.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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A cut above

Everyone was so excited at the Autopsy club.....
It was open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What do you call an electric oven that always gets dirty?

MikeRoweWave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.

It was open mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Did you know mythological creatures have their own dentist's office?

It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actually someone else's turn; the Kraken, or the Minotaur, or the Chupacabra. Eventually it seemed to get on the Satyr's nerves, because he yelled over "pipe down, Mike, we're all sick of you needing to be the Centaur of attention!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbadxampl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Do you know who's Thor?

Mike Tyson the morning after a good workout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good1_dude
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley

My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuke_k9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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Wife: Looks like you're having an headache.

Me: No, feels ok.

Wife: Are you sure?

Me: No, I'm Mike.

Wife: Yaaa I think you ARE having a headache.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyontheroof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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A man walks up to a microphone stand.

Man: would all the Mike's stand up please?

a few men stand up

Man: thank you, this concludes the Mike check

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me..

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Mike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs....

Floating in a pond? Bob.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In a pot on the stove? Stu.

Who's all scratched up? Nick.

Who got into a fight with a cat and lost? Claude.

Who's a bartender? Phil.

Lying in front of a door? Matt.

Who's a public speaker? Mike.

Who's deathly white? Paul.

Who works out every day? Jim.

Who's in the bathroom? Lou.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InkFoxPrints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Eerie and tasteless.

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent Van Gogh?
"You gonna eat that?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Watching The Discovery Channel, I learned which garden organism has the dirtiest job...

The Mike Rowe organism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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Mother: What shall we name him?

Disclaimer, I am a mom, not a dad and my teenager gave me a dirty look when I told her this joke which I was very pleased to think up.


[Scene: Hospital Delivery Room.

Father holding his bundled newborn.

Mother of the child looking on lovingly from hospital bed.]


Mother: What shall we name him?

Father: His name is Mike.

(drops baby)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StcStasi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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β€œI love the feeling when I can make people open up to me.”

- Mike, 48, surgeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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So two guys, Mike and John, worked for a remodeling company.

One day, while working on new walls, Mike knocked over a bucket covering John with its contents. Later, when they return to the office, their boss pulls John aside and asks what happened to him, the conversation was as follows:

Boss- What the hell happened to you guys today?

John- Well, Mike kicked the bucket, then I got plastered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadboy98
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Son, it is time you hear the truth. Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny are not real. Mum and I bring you the gifts.

Son: I know Mum already told me. She also said that uncle Mike is the stork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acbro3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Mike: sorry I couldn’t make it, count me next time.

Me: 1,2, mike, 4...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Golden5StarMan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.

The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said β€œMike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCisme5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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For some reason, my employees keep thinking I'm Mike Rowe.

They're always telling me to "stop Mike Rowe managing" them.

I don't even look like him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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The show "Dirty Jobs" is a great source for learning about the economy

Especially when it delves into the MikeRowe-economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBrownGames
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Did you hear the guy from Dirty Jobs started a software company?

Mike Rowe Soft

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lexluthzor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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No arms, no legs, all lame

My dad tells these old jokes all the time and acts like it's the first time we've ever heard them each time. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the lake? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under the car? Jack What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the mail? Bill What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the doorstep? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in stage? Mike And his personal favorite... What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs above the window? Curt n' Rod

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Name change

My little brother, Mike, wants to change his last name to Krotch...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FabulousWhis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Dad jokes galore: Candy company settles with mid-Missouri man over underfilled boxes

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missourijake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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I'm 28 and engaged but no kids yet. I feel the dad within me.

Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.

We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.

One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:

"Sam?"

To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."

Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmbridge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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My brother's surgeon burst out into song in the ER

He said it was Open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
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What do you call a place wherein all of the dirtiest jobs in the world are reflected?

A Mike Rowe-cosm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/indie1942
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
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Two friends from Boston

Two friends from Boston getting ready to go to a party, Mike and Doe. They decided to make a few large sized bowls of guacamole for the party since there were going to be several people there.

It took them some time to prep and make, but in the end they had about five punch bowl sized bowls of guac. Mike looked Proud of their accomplishment but his friend started to freak out.

"How are we going to get this to the party? We can't take the bus, or the sub, and we sure as hell can't walk all the way there! Mike what the hell are we going to do?"

And Mike said.

"It's ok, Avocado."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinTabb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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"Hot mic."

My wife, in-laws and I have a guest family on board our boat, fishing. It's part of a charity event.

Someone comes over the radio, "someone has a hot mic," meaning someones radio is unintentionally broadcasting.

I sprang into my action, because well, my name is Mike.

I looked at my wife who's across the boat, and so everyone can hear, "You have a hot Mike!"

My wife gave me a dirty look, my father-in-law​ laughed. Success.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MickCJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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Double dad joked at orientation

So I was at orientation for my new job yesterday. There's 2 people there from the company, and 4 of us new people.

After the orientation is done...

Guy next to me: (silences phone because it's ringing) Sorry... my dad's calling me.

Guy from company: What's he calling you? Mine normally calls me my name.

Guy next to me: That's weird! I thought your name was Mike! Nice to meet you, my name!

Both of them both start to crack. I nearly snort what's left of my kit kat up my nose because I started laughing and the other 3 people there are shaking their heads slowly at us.

Side note: both of them are dads and in their 30's. I'm 21, and not a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixotic_Ryan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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What's the Best Material to Use on Dirty Jobs?

Mike Rowe Fibers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDinkus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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What do you call it when someone named Michael has heart surgery after dark?

Open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
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My friend's dad is amazing.

So, I have this friend named Mikee. I was over at her house with a couple of other friends for a road trip, and her dad started going crazy looking for something. He calls out "Hey, has anyone seen this heart-shaped box?"

So we all decided to look around for this heart-shaped box, and she eventually finds it. So she calls out to him "Hey dad! I think I found the box!" He comes in, and she gives him the box. Curious, I decided to ask him "So, what's in it?"

Smiling, he turns to me, and pulls out what was in the box.

"My keys."

He gives Mikee a hug, while everyone else is simultaneously awwing and groaning, while Mikee looks ready to die of embarrassment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MidMindItch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Lowe's: A place for dads

At Lowe's volunteering my truck to move some lumber that a friend is using to make his girlfriend shelves. He and I are standing with the boards, distracting her kids while she settles up at the counter. Among the continuous babble from her youngest was "I'm thirsty." Simultaneously from three directions around him, my friend and I and a passing Lowe's employee:

"Hi thirsty, I'm Mike!" "Hi thirsty, I'm Dave!" "Hi thirsty, I'm Neil!"

We all shared a moment while mom shot us the most exhausted and disappointed look I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BubbaFeets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Mike Tyson dadjoke

"Dad, you think Mike Tyson could ever be a good boxer again"

"Only if he worked at an Amazon warehouse"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tys1_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Two Mormon missionaries knock on our door

My dad answers the door and one of the missionaries says, "Good afternoon sir. I am Elder Mike and this is Elder James and we were wondering if you had a few moments to talk about the good news of Jesus Christ." My dad replies, "Wow! I had no idea Elder was such a common name!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elkarcher87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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If Microsoft was a dirty job...

You'd be working at MikeRoweSoft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raritize
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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We went to a Carmike movie theater together.

Me "What's a Carmike?"

Dad "It's what we drove here in, and my name isn't Mike."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BSackett23
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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Wedding Dad Jokes, buckle-up

So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.

After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,

"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"

Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniffer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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I hear this about every time my dad gets hot or nervous.

"I'm sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joncargo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
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Got a buddy at work today.

My buddy at work saw me driving a company truck and sent me a text since he is transferring to another office in Japan.

Mike: Why are you in that stake bed. Me: Because I was hungry and tired! Mike: That doesn't make any sense. Me: Steak. Bed. Mike: Damn you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmettam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
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Dropped this at work the other day

This "Australian entrepreneur" followed my startup company on Twitter the other day. His name on Twitter is Mike Quill. My coworkers were very excited. I told them, "Don't get too excited. Do we know if this is a real person? Mike Quill may just be a pen name."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/delusional_golfer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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Robin Williams Dad Jokes Mike Rowe

Mike Rowe on meeting Robin Williams the first time:

The first was in 2006 - June or maybe July. I walked into The Roastery down on Chestnut, ordered a coffee, and sat down to read the paper. I soon discovered I was in one of those chairs with one leg shorter than the rest, and resolved to remedy the problem by jamming a folded-up coaster under the offending limb. I bent down, got the thing positioned properly, and managed to smack my head on the edge of the table on the way back up. Hard. The impact was noisy, and sent coffee slushing all over The Chronicle, which in turn lead to an β€œAhh...shit!,” a little louder than I intended. A second later, a voice said, β€œNo, I believe that’s coffee. Shit’s the stuff I see you crawling through every time I turn on the TV.”

source

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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Not a normal dad joke, just a joke from my friend's Dad.

I went on vacation in highschool with one of my good friends and his Dad and another friend, who is basically the coolest fucking guy you'll ever meet (We call him Cool Daddy Mike). Its not so much a dad joke, more just a fucked up joke my friend's Dad told me, but on our way down to Florida from Ohio, we stopped halfway there to stay in a hotel and finish the drive the next day. Since it was just 4 of us for 1 night we only got one room with 2 king sized beds. When we got to the room his dad looked at me and said "If you woke up one morning with a condom hanging out of your ass, would you tell anyone?" I of course said no I would not. He then said "Well alright looks like we are sharing a bed tonight" and points two finger guns at me. It may seem fucked up but if you knew his dad like we all did, you would have died laughing with us. (Just to clarify I did not get sexually assaulted in my sleep by my friend's dad)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Longsack9
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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My dad says this every time we go to a restaurant

Server: "Hey my name is Mike and I'll be your waiter"

Dad: "Hey my name is Steve and I'll be your customer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heisenberg69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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A Few of my Father In-Laws Favorite jokes and sayings.

As a man with 3 daughters, hormones are often mentioned. Each time one of his girls says the word "hormone" he always chimes in with: Well, you know what sound a hormone makes, right? "Oooooh yeaaah Mike (in a high pitched voice)" Get it? Whore moan...

And he often tells his kids: "if you had a brain, it would be lonely."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rcottle86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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This is his second one tonight...

We walked into a furniture store and my dad found these row boat paddle wall decorations. He looked at me and said "Hey Mike. Which one looks better? This one 'oar' this one?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneObserver
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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One from a substitute psychology teacher

"Hello class my name is Mr Jones". Girl says "Is your first name Mike?". He says "No, my name isn't Mike". "Well is it close to Mike?". He says "Close to Mike? I don't even know him!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packersrule123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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So then I left...

I was sitting in a lecture of about 50-60 people. The professor then says "I don't think, I'll need a mic in this class. So if you're name is Mike, you should leave."

This was immediate followed by laughter, and one sad me leaving the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themaskedbandaid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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Watching NFL with my dad...

We were watching the 49ers game over the weekend and Mike Iupati of the 49ers got injured so they cut to commercial. My Dad commented that they were taking an "upotty" break.

I chuckled a little then immeadiatly thought of this subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeah_suree
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...

It was open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateTumbleweed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...

It was open open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateTumbleweed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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How does Mike Rowe (Host of Dirty Jobs) cook most of his meals?

In his Mike-Rowe-Wave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terribleivan22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
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