Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!

It will be bursting with flavor!

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does 100 equal 60?

A microwave.

👍︎ 238
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My six year old sister is a freaking genius

I was trying to cook an egg in the microwave because I’m extremely lazy, and it (unsurprisingly) exploded.

So she looks at the exploded egg, looks at me and then says: “ aha, it eggsploded

👍︎ 285
💬︎
👤︎ u/shwifty_me
📅︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➡

show more
👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my sister and her boyfriend

So I was heating up a meat pie in the microwave. My sister and her boyfriend were on the couch. She asked what I was cooking. so i told her.

Then she asked "Can you cook us two?"

I replied "I dunno.... I think you guys are a bit big!"

They stared at me blankly and I chuckled.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Bacon

I was cooking bacon in the microwave and my dad walks into the kitchen

Dad: wow something is really BACON in here

Mom: oh what's baking?

Dad walks away chuckling

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/quinnykid7
📅︎ Feb 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at a fancy restaurant.

My family went to a fancy Italian restaurant for Mother's Day. Our waiter told us a bit about the place: "All of our food is fresh, never frozen. We don't even have a microwave. It's all cooked fresh here."

When the waiter left, my dad said, "If they can't even afford a microwave, I'll go out and get one for them."

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ May 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Coworker dad joke

She was microwaving a hotdog and it starts making noise from being over cooked.

she says "My dogs are bark'n"

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/ptrain377
📅︎ Aug 26 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.