Microwave

(noun) A hand gesture used by a midget as a greeting.

Cool, that midget over there just gave me a microwave!

^{Source: ^Bullwade ^Anguish ^Dictionary}

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👤︎ u/BinBender
📅︎ Jan 08
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Why does a microwave hum?

Because it doesn't know the words

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📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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MICROwave
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👤︎ u/spinnaker190
📅︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's the opposite of a microwave?

A Tsunami.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
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I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."

"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ May 18 2020
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I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.

He was a Ramen Catholic.

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📅︎ Jul 28 2020
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How long do you microwave fish?

Tuna half minutes!

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👤︎ u/kdryan1
📅︎ Mar 13 2020
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Our microwave is at least three feet wide

I'd hate to see a regular sized wave

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📅︎ Jun 26 2020
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Why couldn’t the microwave watch porn online?

Because it was only fans.

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👤︎ u/supernes204
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
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Me: "We had ribeye for supper, you can microwave some leftovers if you are hungry." Son: "No, y'all ate it all."

Me: "What!? There must be some missed steak!"

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👤︎ u/soulscribble
📅︎ May 18 2020
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So my Microwave broke

Right now we've got a standard whirlpool. One basic box, with a rotating center tray. No frills.

I'm looking at a newer model. It's split in the center, and there's a second rotating tray. Also, it's voice activated.

What do you think?

Should I stick with what I've got or should I get Two Turn Tables and a Microphone?

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👤︎ u/DairyCanary5
📅︎ May 09 2020
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She wanted a microwave for her birthday...

So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.

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📅︎ Mar 04 2020
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My Microwave is a Liar

On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog. I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.

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👤︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
📅︎ Nov 08 2019
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[Picture] Im selling a microwave on facebook and asked my dad to send me pictures of the inside of it to show a buyer.

I wasn't disappointed

https://imgur.com/gallery/gCDyE8C

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👤︎ u/DanPos
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...

...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?

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📅︎ Sep 26 2018
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It's National Microwave Day! imgur.com/FM7xQ1y
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👤︎ u/skiton28
📅︎ Dec 06 2018
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What do you call a bowl that you can put in the microwave?

Microwaveable.

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👤︎ u/NSFAnythingAtAll
📅︎ Aug 19 2018
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My wife and I were arguing as to who gets to use the microwave first.

Then things started to get heated.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jan 28 2019
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Microwaves

Microwaves are weird. I punch in 99 and it goes for 99 seconds, but if I punch in 100 it only goes for 60 seconds

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👤︎ u/notdavidherriman
📅︎ Dec 03 2018
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A lot of people wonder which microwaves are unsafe to use these days.

I tell them only the walk-in models.

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👤︎ u/rogan2929
📅︎ Apr 29 2019
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A laser and a microwave got into an argument about who was better at warming things up.

I heard it got pretty heated.

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📅︎ Feb 13 2019
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My wife and I started arguing as to who gets to use the microwave first.

Then things started to heat up.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 11 2018
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Cosmic Microwave Background i.reddituploads.com/c15e2…
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👤︎ u/waydeultima
📅︎ Mar 07 2017
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I hate being married to a microwave

Every time I give her my two cents she blows up

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📅︎ Nov 11 2018
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What shows you porn and sounds like a microwave?

Bing!

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👤︎ u/DFYX
📅︎ Jan 03 2019
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I was going to microwave some popcorn, but I couldn't find the time...
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👤︎ u/RobertThyngema
📅︎ Jun 09 2014
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My coworker called me selfish for reheating salmon in the microwave.

"But it's not shellfish!", I replied.

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👤︎ u/StarWarswasmeh
📅︎ Jan 14 2018
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what do you get when you put chip dip in a microwave ?

chip dip soup.

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👤︎ u/exotiah
📅︎ Jul 12 2018
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The first person to create bowls that you can put in the microwave really should've marketed them as Microwave-A-Bowls.
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👤︎ u/WriteTheWrong
📅︎ May 01 2015
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Girlfriend told me to take the potato out of the microwave and let it rest for awhile. imgur.com/naKysrf
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👤︎ u/securitywyrm
📅︎ Jan 26 2014
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What happens when you put a metal spoon in microwave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5ujktxYEUM

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👤︎ u/DrawnM
📅︎ May 21 2014
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Microwave
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📅︎ Dec 11 2014
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The old man just hit me with this... Why can't you surf microwaves?

Because they are too small.

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👤︎ u/FuckSlice
📅︎ Feb 10 2016
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I thought about fixing my microwave oven...

But I just didn't have the convection.

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👤︎ u/vivvav
📅︎ Apr 17 2016
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While trying to buy a new microwave

Our small, old microwave stopped working, so I was at the shop to get a new bigger one. I phone home:

> Me: What's the volume of the old microwave? > > Dad: Well, it's not very loud at all. > > Me: Wha-? Oh.

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👤︎ u/Dumnonii
📅︎ Jun 28 2014
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