It’s called Tex-Mechs.
- The groom gave me permission to riddle the best man speech with puns which was great, but im a bit worried Illinois the rest of you.
- Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate these two here at their Maryland, im sorry wedding.
- Iowa lot to my brother because despite whatever situation or distance, he’s eager to check in and catch up. He’s always been a supportive brother and I’m happy to consider him a great friend.
- Augusta Maine thing is Idaho-ped that he might find someone to bring out the best in him, and that is the bride without a doubt.
- I’m Minnesota the middle of this thing and I want to to wish them all the happiness in the world. You guys always bring a smile and fill the space with joy from Florida ceiling.
- When you look back on your pictures and videos from today in a month, Montana half, I hope you remember all the love you have for each other and carry that with you.
- Utah have a bright future together and I hope you make the most of it. Whether you’re simply relaxing at home Washingtons of premier league games or traveling together (perhaps to any of the locations previously mentioned), I wish you all the love in the world and I’m fortunate to call you both family.
- Alaska you before I finish is that you forgive me for any puns that didn’t land and if I missed, I’ll try not to Michigan. Enjoy the rest of your night, here’s to the bride and groom!
Growing up in Sydney there was a 'Baby Health Centre' across the street. My dad was an older guy so had the typical 'old man pun' sense of humour. Around Christmas one year I was walking by with my dad and he goes 'Hey. Where do baby elves go when they're sick? To the baby ELF centre!' Face palm.
Mom - I wouldn’t. Man puns are lame.
So I was talking with a friend and said a really bad pun. After a sigh and a head shake he said "Man puns are terrible" , to which I followed up, puns are not terrible unless you write them down on paper (because the become "tearable")...
Took him a second to get it, but I was proud.
You can hide, but you can't run!!!
Psychiatrist: That is the strangest case of parking sons disease I have come across so far.
He asks the widow "Mind if I say a word?" She says "please do"
The man clears his throat and says "Bargain."
The widow replies "Thanks that means a great deal."
Then I was born.
Attire
May he restaurant in peace
You have to use a camera.
His long-time wife was sitting in the first row at his funeral, when a man she didn't recognize came up and sat next to her.
"Do you mind if I say a word?" he asked. "No not at all. He meant so much to so many people."
The man walked up to the microphone and said: "PLETHORA" then sat back down.
Crying, the woman leaned over to him and said, "Thank you... That means a lot."
At the top of the hour, he would bang his face on the bell letting everyone in town know what time it was.
One night after ringing the bell he lost his balance and fell to his death on the sidewalk below.
When the police showed up, a few people were crowded around the body. One policeman asked the woman standing nearest the body, “Do you know who this man is?”
The woman replied, “No, but his face rings a bell.”
was not a bouncer.
a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean
all go to a bar..
The doorman stops them and says "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.
A pilot, you bloody racist.
They would be alloys.
and you feed him for the rest of his life.
I press 'Submit'
This morning my fiancé said to me:
“Technically you’re iron man”
Me: “is this going to descend into something about me doing the ironing?” (I was sorting laundry at the time)
Him: “you’re female. Fe is Iron, male is man, therefore you’re iron man”
I rolled my eyes so hard I could see my spine.
I said, “Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.”
Iron Man stops the bad guys, aluminum man foils their plans.
Tells Court “ I only wanted to rough him up a bit”
The bartender says “Oh hey! I haven’t seen you in forever!”
The blind man says “Same.”
Amazon Web Services
Rick o Shea
Really had to let the mango, he was driving me bananas.
I will find you, you have my Word!
Bob
Because two Wongs don’t make a Right.
And the baker replies, “no, you’re right! It’s a cake!”
“I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."
He couldn’t see himself doing it
The bratender says:
If you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life
An employee comes up to him and asks the man why he's crying.
The man points at the cantaloupe, and says, "it's just so sad that they can't elope".
It's what he would have wanted.
A man decides to make some macaroni at his home after work. He was really tired but eventually he made a dish to be proud of. He looks around his kitchen drawers for any of his plastic forks but can’t find any so he decides to just use a spoon. A few minutes later his girlfriend comes home and asks for some of his macaroni. He complies and hands her a spoon so she can eat with him. “Why a spoon”, she asks. The man replied,
“I’ve run out of forks to give”
He ghosted her
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
He lost May
They traveled in different circles.
I'm going to change a lightbulb, he replied.
Won't that be hard with only one arm? I asked.
No, he said, I've got the receipt.
