I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...
They said I was too critter-sizing
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....
....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."
If I ever lose my leg in an accident, don’t think I’m lining up a proposal
I’m just always down on one knee
Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.
At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!
An innocent father was prosecuted for lining his kids up and beating them with his bare hands.
"There was no punchline, your honor."
What do you call the soft tissue lining the area between a sharks teeth?
I have a steroid addiction, but there is one silver lining.
It has only made me stronger.
Dad's really proud of this one. "What do you call a group of barbies lining up for a sausage?"
Need a pun having to do with Karo Syrup for a good cause!
A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door.
I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
My wife didn’t like my idea to market a line of belts with little clocks built into the buckle.
She said it was a waist of time.
What did Velveeta call their new line of designer brand cheese?
Why did the power line not go to prom?
A man drew a line in the middle of himself to prove a point...
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
This joke actually has two answers:
A Hairline or A Barbecue (barber-que)
No joke includes a punchline about the maginot line
I guess it's easier to go around it
Edit: typo
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?
Does anyone know what the best pickup line is for when you are at an abortion clinic?
Why didn’t the squirrel cross the telephone line?
I tried to skip the line in the water park
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Which one stole your broom ma’am? Can you pick her out of a line up?
No it was Witch two officer!
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.
Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
Is there any hidden meaning to the line "Rosebud" from the movie Citizen Kane?
Or was it just the last thing he sled?
Two guys lined up to fight each other.
What do you call a line of rabbits marching backward?
One small step for dad jokes, one large step for pun lines...
People don’t mind long lines at the hospital
A man drew a line on himself to prove a point
The difference between a numerator and denominator is a short line
Only a fraction of people will understand it.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator,
But only a fraction of people understand this.
There is a fine line between the denominator and the numerator
Only a fraction of people would get this.
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