Got mugged by some limbed fruit yesterday..
can't believe i was a victim of armed strobbery.
I had to have my pet centipede put to sleep this week, after he lost 84 of his limbs.
The vet said, he was on his last legs.
Going out on a limb here hoping this is not a repost
A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus
He said “I heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”
My friend didn't trust the surgeon with no limbs
I said "don't worry, he's armless"
I read a book about limbs taking over the world
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
What sound does a tree make?
This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.
Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery
The poor willow in my backyard just broke one of its main limbs off.
I can amputate grizzly limbs if I want to.
The constitution gives me the right to bear arms.
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.
I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.
I went to a specialised vendor today to buy a prosthetic limb.
But when I got there ownership had changed hands.
A man with muscular furred limbs and claws walks into a bar
The bartender gives the man a funny look then the man says:
"What? I have the right to bear arms".
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs
I called it the second hand second hand store
There’s a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street.
Earlier today, a man was seen robbing a prosthetic limb factory.
Witnesses say he's armed and dangerous.
A limb, a limb, my kingdom for a limb
My friend started a business exporting artificial limbs to hospitals in foreign countries.
He’s an International Arms Dealer.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
Dad, why did they cut off people's hands for theft in the past?
Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.
Actual joke my Dad just said to me:
Me: Urgh, my foot has fallen asleep, I hate when that happens.
Dad: That’s annoying; now it’s not going to be able to get to sleep tonight!
If you cut off a pig’s limb it would be a hamputation.
I told my kids that girls would often "go out on a limb" for Andre the Giant.
Then I showed them that famous photo of the four ladies sitting on his arms outstretched. (The sub doesn't allow photos posted)
Why are prosthetic limbs so expensive?
They'll cost you an arm and a leg.
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
My prosthetic limbs business has taken off and we made our first shipment abroad.
I am now an international arms dealer.
Going out on a limb here, hoping this wood help with rekindling our relationship.
An octopus’s limbs look exactly alike
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
I replaced my bowstring with a thin tree limb.
It will break eventually, but it hasn't yet, so I'll nock on wood!
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I think...
I probably failed my arboreal safety exam.
Captain Hook bought his prosthetic limb at a second hand store.
The weather girl was wrong and got me into an accident which broke all my limbs...
You hear about the guy with new limbs?
I took out a loan with a bank who cut off your limbs if you didn’t meet the payments
Cost me an arm and a leg to keep up with their interest rates
There was a man who a had an entirely wooden car. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden engine. Did he ride it? No.
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.
“Pull yourself together.”
Never wear feline prosthetic limbs that have been given a high military ranking...
What do you call karate for amputees?
I watched a documentary on people who had lost mobility in their limbs last night
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
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