Nailed it!!!
They threw up their arms in protest
I watched the guy get out of his car and I hooked a thumb towards him and said "eh.. he's out of his element."
He was accused of sweeping with his patients.
So I just changed my name to 5A114BG.
They got in trouble for giving boos to people under 21
You can’t even drive a fish
Sistine
I don’t know who he was, but he wouldn’t let me pass.
“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.
“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.
“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re free to go…I didn’t realize you were a cop!”
Edit: Some people in the comments are saying that this is not a dad joke, I put this here cause my dad told this one to me. Hope this makes sense :)
An arachn-ID
But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.
Because tyranosaurus rex
I will find you. You have my Word.
Guy gets pulled over for speeding. The officer asks to see his license. The driver replies "sorry, don't have one. Never passed my test." The officer then asks to see the car registration. The man replies "about that, this car is actually stolen."
The officer, now a little on edge, asks whose car it is. The man replies "some old lady's. She's tied up in the boot". The officer immediately calls for back up and waits for them to arrive.
The next officer approaches the car and asks the man for some ID. The man pulls out his driver's license. The officer then asks to see his registration. The man hands over the registration and everything checks out. Finally, he asks the man to pop the boot. There was nothing inside.
Absolutely perplexed, the officer explains to the man that the first officer reported that he'd stolen the car and kidnapped the owner. The man gasps and replies "I bet he told you I was speeding too!"
Bubble 0-7
Un Deux Trois Cat Sank.
I took a crash course.
Because they cantaloupe.
I'm thinking of getting a personalized license plate that will cement me as the king of dad jokes:
CUZ 7 8 9
This works in NC because we get 8 characters and a space counts as 1/2 a character
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "Im looking for Sex..."
My court date has been set for Friday...
An Air Friar
Doctor.
But I don't have a current license.
"In the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree"!"
is it plate armor?
She glanced in the rear view mirror and said, “Yes, Officer, that’s me!”
After all that work I have nothing to chauffeur it.
First Dude: “Hey, bro?”
Second Dude: “Yhea, bro?”
First Dude: “Can you hand me that pamphlet on the table over there?”
Second Dude: “Brochure”
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I finally got one of those personalized license plates. It says 'BAA BAA'," the guy tells the bartender. "It's for my black Jeep."
As he's looking it over he tells me, "Hey, it says here you need glasses to drive. I'll have to ticket you."
"But I've got contacts."
"Not impressed buddy. I don't care who you know."
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.
This was a few years ago, but my father-in-law loves to tell this story:
He witnessed a car accident at a 4-way stop. Nothing serious, just a fender-bender. The car who had run the stop sign drove off. My FIL pulled over, of course, checked on the driver of the other car, and offered to call the police.
And then he saw it. Laying on the pavement, right at the spot of the impact, was the other car's license plate. He quietly picked it up, set it in his car, and hoped he would get the right set-up.
He was not disappointed. After giving the officer his description of the accident, the officer asked, "Did you happen to get the license plate of the other car?"
FIL, totally deadpan, says, "Why, as a matter of fact..." as he reaches into his car and pulls out the license plate, "I've got it right here."
As if on cue, another officer at the scene came walking up right at that moment, asking, "Was he able to get the plates?"
FIL holds the plate up higher, points to it, "Yep, right here!"
Peak dad joke.
But I’d don’t h🥑…
In the end, I ignore it all and click, “I agree.”
drive an electric car?
Who can drive a fish?
I'm gonna find you. You have my word.
