Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of lettuce do skeletons use for their salads?

Human Romaines

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nosaggio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad

But there was none Romaine-ing

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawinner64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my kid to make us a honeymoon salad. Lettuce alone.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
With the new e.coli outbreak in romaine lettuce, it is really confusing me that the CDC is telling everyone to toss salad...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about when the lettuce invited mushrooms to the salad?

Tomatoes were all like, "really?" And lettuce said, "yeah, he's a fungi"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Why you should knock on fridge before opening it?

Because there could be a salad dressing.

πŸ‘︎ 529
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enemy991
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves

But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call leftover salad?

The romaine-der

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bikemandan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, I laughed.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morgan_Redwood
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Romaine Calm

Romaine calm. The government did not Caesar vegetables. They will lettuce know what's going on soon. That's salad o' panic over what may be just a coincidence. If it's a false alarm somebody's going to get a dressing down. E. Coli like I see it.*

*So many puns in such bad taste. Too Soonβ„’?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife made the kids and I garden salad for dinner instead of caesar salad

Caesar salad is our favourite so I told her she really lettuce down

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeoxysSpeedForm
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
🚨︎ report
When the waiter asks my dad what kind of salad he'll have...

Dad: I'll have a Honeymoon Salad.

Waiter: What's that?

Dad: Lettuce alone, without dressing.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time we have a family dinner my grandfather says a prayer.

The salad looks delicious. I can't wait, lettuce eat.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Being a lady doesn't stop me from making dad jokes

Yesterday I was in the grocery store with my MIL, right by the lettuce section. A woman grabbed a bag of lettuce at the top of the case (just above her head), fumbled and somehow managed to knock it with the back of her hand, sending it flying into another case and onto the floor.

Without missing a beat, I turned to my MIL and said, "Hey look, tossed salad!".

And yes, I laughed at my own joke. :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wordtoyourmother8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
🚨︎ report
I'm a bit of a picky eater...

...so a 'salad' for me consists of purely lettuce, and nothing else. Whenever I eat it in my school's dining hall, I get funny looks from my friends. Thankfully, my dad taught me this one to help.
So, I tell my friends that my salad is a 'Honeymoon Salad'. When they ask what that is, I respond 'Lettuce Alone'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/intimidatingTim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I got my gf at the shops today...

Her: "What salad should we have in our lunches this week?

Me: "Lettuce have a think about it"

Her: "You're horrendous."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/navystreak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Whenever salad or olives were at the dinner table

Asking for the olives: Olive some of those.

Asking for some salad: Let us have lettuce!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plenoge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
🚨︎ report
I always knock on the fridge before I open it

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Lettuce

Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad at the restaurant about a salad my friend got

My friend ordered a salad with just lettuce and nothing else and the waitress called it a honeymoon salad.

Dad: you know why they call that a honeymoon salad right?

Friend: no

Dad: lettuce alone

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Renegade787
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time we made salad at home.

Dad (putting lettuce in his bowl): well, it's a honeymoon salad.

Us: why?

Dad: because it's lettuce alone...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PunsAblazin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
🚨︎ report

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