My contact lenses have been dry on my eyes when I put them in. I discovered a liquid to prevent it!

That was the solution!

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📅︎ Mar 12 2021
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I took out my contact lenses at midnight.

Goodbye 20/20.

👍︎ 44
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📅︎ Jan 01 2021
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Corrective lenses.
👍︎ 134
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📅︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur that lost his contact lenses?

Doyouthinkhesaurus.

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Dec 30 2020
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What kind of over uses sunlight and lenses?

A convexion oven.

Edit: This works a lot better if you spell "oven" correctly in the title...

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Sep 26 2020
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My optometrist told me I needed progressive lenses.

I wasn't sure I was ready for that, so I asked her if I could start with amateur-gressive lenses first.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Aug 15 2020
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I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.

My dreams have never been clearer.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Jul 13 2020
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Contact lenses are better than glasses

At least in my eyes

👍︎ 25
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👤︎ u/PhpXp
📅︎ Nov 08 2019
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One person died during the manufacturing of the world's largest lenses.

He fell into the vat of molten optical glass and made a spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/ohrules
📅︎ Oct 12 2019
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Did you know that lenses for glasses are produced from a lens grinding machine?

More importantly, did you hear about the guy who got his hand caught in one?

It really made quite the spectacle.

👍︎ 37
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📅︎ Mar 02 2019
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My dog ate my contact lenses

Do you suppose that he's seeing shit more clearly now?

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Oct 11 2019
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A bird keeps flying into the glasses shop and stealing our lenses...

Doesn't he know he's robin us blind?

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Oct 08 2019
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Whenever I wash my contact lenses with water it never really cleans them right and it stings when I put them in.

If only there was a solution.

👍︎ 181
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📅︎ Oct 12 2017
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After trying bow drill, parabolic lenses and flint-and-steel, I finally celebrated starting a fire...

I was stoked

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Jan 10 2019
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My friend the eye doctor explained this to me. Ophthalmologists are doctors who specialize in eyes. Optometrists examine your eyes to see whether you need corrective lenses. Opticians sell glasses and lenses.

and optimists see glasses as half full.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/whosevelt
📅︎ Feb 06 2018
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Once I realized I had scratches on my contact lenses...

I saw right through my problems.

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/A_Elije
📅︎ Apr 30 2018
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GF said her glasses had a prism in the lenses.

"Is that where the criminal light goes?" - me "uhgggg" - gf

👍︎ 27
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👤︎ u/MetaGazon
📅︎ Oct 17 2015
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I had to return my contact lenses

I didn’t like the way they made my face look

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/bbeater16
📅︎ May 23 2018
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My girlfriend won't be complaining about her contact lenses for a while

My girlfriend was talking about her contact lenses, she's been having a bit of a problem with them..

Girlf: "One of them is never right"

Me: "That'd be the left one"

Needless to say there was a lot of sighing from her end whilst I glow basked in the moment

👍︎ 22
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📅︎ Aug 10 2015
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My dad tells this to everyone, and he still cracks up - A mouse looking for his lenses.

My dad has been telling this goddamn joke for as long as I can remember -

It's night and completely dark, the only light that shines on the deserted street comes from a lightpost which stands over the sidewalk. A little mouse is frantically wandering around near the lightpost when he gets interrupted by a bear. The bear is curious and asks the mouse what he is doing. The mouse responds: I'm looking for my lense, it fell out and I can't find it. The bear asks if the mouse needs help and the mouse gladly accepts the offer. "Do you know where you were standing when you lost your lense?" asks the bear. The mouse casually points across the street into the black abyss and says "about there, I guess". The bear is surprised by this answer and asks why the mouse isn't looking over there. With a dumbfound look on his face the mouse looks at the bear and says: "Well yeah, but at least I have some light here."

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Brammelam
📅︎ Aug 21 2013
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