There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?

There's also leap-frogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Today is a leap day.

I guess I should jump with joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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A man leaps into the Doctor's office, flashlight in his mouth, both hands behind his back, screaming "It's the mawkew! Oh God the Mawkew!!...

...I fell on my awt supplies and it went stwaight up my wectum"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahughman
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Where do most people eat out on leap day?

IHOP...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanner_Banner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What's yellow and leaps from cake to cake?

Tarzipan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/count-buttula
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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What happens when a cow leaps over a barbed wire fence?

Utter destruction...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLHT2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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Leap day dadjoke

I'm out of bed earler than usual. Wife comes in and we discuss why. She walks away to get ready for work

me "are you gonna make me breakfast?"

> Pfffft. It's leap day, not jump-to-conclusions day.

Anyone else got any once-every-four-years dad jokes? I just wanna wear em out tonight after everyone gets home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monsto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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I can’t believe it’s not...
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Why did the stormtrooper drop out of school?

He was feeling aimless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roeswood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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The pennie joke

No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".

I hope you have a nice day!

P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy2004194II
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Falling in love I beautiful
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πŸ‘€︎ u/declandrury
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Brilliant comment
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikapoleon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Guess The Pun #42 v.redd.it/exzluh38i5d41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monarang
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Talking with my brother: β€œHey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?”

β€œThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra steps”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ovrlymm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...

Me: What did they have at the farm?

Son: Pumpkins and gourds.

Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?

Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd

Me: Gourd for you!

Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.

Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?

Wife: /groans

Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.

Wife: /groans again.

Wife: Really?!

Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.

Wife: STOP!

Son: Oh, gourd!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shifty21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orleansville
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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Looking for space puns!

My fiance and I are getting married at Kennedy Space Center. We're looking for a good space + love/wedding pun for our website. Written in the Stars is too cheesy. We're leaning toward "One Giant Leap". Any other suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeggyGrex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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How did the religious man cross the raging river?

He took a leap of faith!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphaboss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My girlfriend dumped me. When she found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline...

...she hit the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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When the parachute failed I became deeply aware of the gravity of my situation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
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What do you call it when a Goodyear tire turns into a frog?

Leap year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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What kind of music do rabbits like?

Hip hop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baybonski
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Eye dew knot gnaw watt two dew

Eats too inn the mourning end eye veal lyke ass leap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daunfifi123c456b
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they are surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing on sacred land and unless they can prove they are descendants of the Gods they will be killed and eaten.

Bob and Frank realize they have little choice but agree they will attempt any test to try to save their lives.

The chief warrior brings them a bowl full of angry fire ants and drops one small seed into the bowl. He informs them they must put their lips in the bowl and suck as hard as they can. If they manage to suck up only the seed without sucking up an ant then the tribe would know they must be sent from the Gods.

Bob looks wearily at Frank but knowing they have no other options he puts his lips in the bowl and sucks hard. He immediately gets a mouth full of ants and screams in pain as they bite away at the inside of his mouth. Frank now even more nervous takes his turn and to his dismay also receives a nasty mouthful of the viscous buggers.

The warriors leap to their feet and surround the friends, β€œNow you must die” declares the chieftain. Just as the first spear is raised to Franks throat he screams β€œTria-Gan!” The warriors stop dead in their tracks. β€œWhat did you say” asked the chief. β€œTria-Gan” yelled frank again. Immediately the chief and his warriors turned and fled into the forest.

β€œHoly shit” said Bob β€œWhat did you just say and how did you know it would work?”

β€œWell” said Frank, β€œmy Mother always told me if at first you don’t suck seed try Tria-Gan.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernamemispeled
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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When they ask if I'd like the soup or salad

I reply, "Yes, I'd love the super salad!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philsown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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At 11:59:59, don't forget to stand-up and lift your left foot off the ground.

That way you start the new year off on the right foot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brewingcode
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimneko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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Dad joked my husband

On the night walk with our 2 pups. One is obsessed with toads and every item on the road is suspiciously inspected. Frequently a leaf is sniffed and nosed to encourage a leap. Tonight, a piece of gravel caught her eye with exuberant tailnub wagging! β€œOh pupper that isn’t sedentary; it’s sedimentary.”

Hope you like it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aimlesskeek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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I'm in the business of religious skydiving..

Prophets are falling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeting
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2013
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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Didn't realize it was a Dad Joke until too late...

A little context: I'm driving around in Yellowstone with my dad and my girlfriend. My dad went on a three week cross country ski winter camping trip when he was 17 in Yellowstone. We are currently talking about whether or not it is important to carry bear spray.

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about that time I woke up a bear on my ski trip?"

Me: "What?! No, that's crazy, what happened?"

Dad: "Well, we were skiing through an open field when we hear a rumbling from about 100 yards behind us, and we turn back and there's a huge bear, and he looks at us and starts lumbering in our direction. At the time, I was with this girl who was not a very good skier, but we were pretty sure black bears can't climb trees, so we start hustling towards the woods. So I'm pulling her along and this bear is gaining on us but we get to the closest climbable tree and the bear is still 50 yards back. Like I said, she wasn't a very good skier, or really very coordinated in general, so I help boost her up into the tree and she's up there and she's pretty safe, but this took a minute and a lot of my energy. So now the bear is only about 15 feet away, and I've still got my skis on, and, you know, back then we didn't have fancy cross country skis, we had these big metal cable bindings and leather lace up boots, so I definitely don't have time to get them off. And I'm so exhausted from dragging this girl across the field and then shoving her up into the tree that I've got almost nothing left, and the first branch is about 8 feet off the ground. But this bear is coming at me and there's nothing I can do but jump for it, so I leap and pull myself up and over the branch using everything I've got right as the bear lunges for me and bites into my ski boot. So here I am, doubled over this branch with a bear's jaws on my foot, my skis on, and not one ounce of energy left, and he's really sinking his teeth in and he's really just pulling my leg just like I'm pulling yours!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipore22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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What would have been different if Mexico were first to the Moon?

It's Juan small step for a man, Juan giant leap for mankind!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hacklife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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I didn't sleep on the 28th of February

Because you should look before you leap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiirosagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2016
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So India have sent a rocket to Mars.

It's one small step for naan, one giant leap for naankind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullSexWithAWoman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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