A list of puns related to "King's X"
Me: Did you see that new documentary on Constipation?
The Dad: What?
Me: It hasn't come out yet...
The Dad: Hahaha. That's a hard one.
Me: lol, indeed
The Dad: That's straining.
Me: You're pushing it, [The Dad].
The Dad: I'm not even close to being finished yet!!
Me: You are really stuck on them, aren't you?
The Dad: I am just so impacted by all this.
Me: I just can't get a good joke out...
The Dad: Oh, It's out now... I just can't drop it.
Me: lol. You may be the king of puns...
The Dad: It's an over thirty Dad thing...
His Wife: Yeah, you are full of it.
The King of Spade.
Sorry if wrong place as this isn't a joke...
My boss, king of dad jokes, is leaving and I'd like a farewell dad joke!
Any smart jokes out there?
IT manager if that helps ..
It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.
However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.
When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.
Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,
“Look! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”
Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean
They became kings of the jungle without even living there
Their ancestors are vi-kings.
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit ➡And it’s fu*king discussing
Countdraculations.
What is 5m. tall, hairy and flies at 2,179 km/h?
A King Kongcorde.
What do witches use to know the hour?
A witch watch.
What do you call a chicken spirit?
A poultrygeist.
And one mine:
What do you call a house inhabited by a chicken spirit?
A hen-ted house.
Knight: Nice roundtable, who built it?
King: ‘Twas Sir Cumference.
because I'm Sofa King lazy.
TIL that the famous ancient Egyptian boy king also had club feet.
So I guess we have that in Tutankhamen
at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:
"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.
Me: "Of course it will get bigger"
Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"
Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"
Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times
He loved giving out diktats like
"So shall citizens pay double the tax"
"So shall boys over 18 join the army"
He went to war with China
He won
In the court, they brought a Chinese man
"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"
The king then gave out a new diktat
"So shall this Tan sing"
And to this day, when it happens..
The king and queen of clubs
The king offered him a free palace stein
Charles becomes the King formerly known as Prince.
The par-king space.
Pho-king good!
Helper: Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?
Louie: No, I'm just Louie King.
It's so pho-king good
King's Crustation
I guess you can do anything if you're Sofa King Rich.
i'd tell you a joke about bones. but it probably wont be a humerus as it should be. tibia honest, it doesnt have a lot of back bone put into it. it'll just make me seem like a numb skull anyways so, imma go skullking in the bar. see ya
Bye, king. I must go.
Son: Hiking?
Dad: I'm not king, I'm dad.
...so he called in his court wizard to devise a means of defense. The wizard set to work at once. First, he wove a net, tightly so that nothing could escape. Then he traveled to the nearby lake.
For three days, he went to the edge of a dock, and cast his net into the water. Each time, he collected many small fish, until he had gathered thousands.
He then took the fish to his study, and carefully processed them, crushing them into a sticky paste. Warming the paste, he began to lather it across the walls of the maze.
When the king learned of this, he was very angry.
"How dare you cover my walls with fish paste!" he said.
The wizard replied, "But sire, everyone knows to protect a labyrinth, one must use a minnow tar."
Someone shouted “All hail the king”
One says to the other Cow "Nice day isnt it?"
The other Cow says "f**king hell a talking Cow"
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
It’s become a Pho King joke.
Because I'm faux king awesome
Ass King for a friend.
King’s Crustacean 🚂
Sofa King
Because they are Sofa King good.
The king and queen of clubs.
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