A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks her. "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
I only judge men that are tall
I guess you could say I’m judgemental
Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course.
A proton went before a judge...
... for impersonating a hydrogen atom. The verdict was "guilty as charged".
Did you hear that a judge has demanded Dr. Pimple Popper grab any person off the street and remove pus-filled sacs within their skin?
It's a seize and de-cyst order!
What did the judge say when she went to the dentist?
Do you swear to take the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
i created this dont judge.... 🙄
Me: mumbles I did not understand this chapter about electricity...
My friend: Watt?
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...
...he considered them a flight risk.
Joke from my 10 yr old: How do hobbits judge their designs?
My coworker asked me to judge their tan...
I gave it a tan out of tan.
I made the Judge laugh so hard
I was guilty of Mans laughter.
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service
because they were goodfellas
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
Judge threw the book at her
What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?
“In my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl play”
“Judge, 50% of my parking tickets are bogus!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!
What do you call a judge who broke the law?
Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said “you can’t just divorce with someone for being stupid” to which Mickey said:
“I didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy”
What does a judge get with his whiskey?
What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?
I am a judge for peanut beauty pageants
A little corny, but who am I to judge?
What kind of dinosaur judges you?
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
Why was horse declared as innocent by the judge?
Because he de-neigh-ed everything.
What do judges like to wear?
When I tried to admit new evidence to the trial, the judge threw a Granny Smith at me...
I then remembered it's an apple-late court.
What did the man say when he caught his wife cheating with the judge
I got an apiarist to judge my beauty pageant
Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder
Judge: Order in the court!
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
What did the judge say to the dentist?
DO you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”
What did the judge say to the molar?
Do you swear to tell the tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
“Judge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.
“Judge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
What do you call a judge without any fingers?
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