xD
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︎ Dec 21 2022
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a clinic to donate blood. The doctor says to the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a Type O", the rabbit replied with great sadness.
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︎ Oct 09 2022
Everyone was feeling merry at the Christmas party...
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︎ Dec 18 2022
What do kids listen to when they go on a weekend joy ride?
Saturday morning car tunes
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︎ Nov 04 2022
"look dad, i drew the dog"
"that's a beautiful paw-trait, sweetie"
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︎ Oct 05 2022
What do you call a large group of women bragging in a hotel lobby about playing in a chess tournament
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
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︎ Nov 25 2022
Dad: I think Iβm having a heart attack. I need you to call me an ambulance.
Me: Youβre an ambulance
Dad: sheds tears of pride
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︎ Sep 07 2022
As I get older, I remember all the people Iβve lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasnβt the right choice.
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︎ Oct 24 2022
Have you ever listened to Canine music?
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︎ Nov 18 2022
I didnβt realize I spilled dish soap on myself
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︎ Sep 27 2022
How can you tell if a person is lying?
Well, first you make sure that they're not standing.
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︎ Jul 15 2022
If Jesus were alive today, what kind of car would he drive?
A Chrysler!
He also had a Honda but kept it secret, for he does not speak of his own Accord.
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︎ Feb 22 2022
My friend works at the almond factory.
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︎ Oct 11 2022
Family, friends, I have determined I do not have a drinking problem..
I know how to drink just fine.
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︎ Oct 08 2022
What did the river say when it saw beavers approaching?
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︎ Jun 21 2022
Whatβs the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?
π︎ 78
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︎ Sep 05 2022
Iβve been under a lot of stress lately, and I thought a bath would help
So I bought a pressure washer.
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︎ Jun 09 2022
Puns make me numb
Mathematical puns makes me number
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jan 26 2022
There was a burglary in our local detergent factory at the weekend..
Police said the thieves made a clean getaway..
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︎ Aug 29 2022
In Athens, no one wakes before noon.
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︎ Aug 03 2022
Did you hear that FedEx and do UPS were merging?
Theyβre going to be called FedUps
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︎ Sep 09 2022
I'm not sure what US state my ex-wife moved to
But next time I see her, Alaska
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︎ Jun 03 2022
Took a picture of myself a day apart
The difference was night and day
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︎ Jul 09 2022
I remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subjectβ¦β¦.
These days you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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︎ Jun 24 2022
What do you call a unique fart in Egypt?
π︎ 37
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︎ Jul 20 2022
Why are bakers so rich?
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︎ Sep 24 2021
what do you call a hamburger bun that canβt reproduce?
β¦ seedless π€§
(plz bare w me on this one i literally thought of it as i was going to sleep lmao)
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︎ Apr 07 2022
My son just asked me what a hyper bowl is
I told him a million times is pronounced βhyperboleβ
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︎ Apr 13 2022
I accidentally spilled dish soap on myself
I didnβt even realized it until it dawned on me
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︎ Sep 26 2022
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