A list of puns related to "Johnny"
Johnny and susie are working in a factory, and Susie says βthis is a nice day I donβt wanna work anymoreβ and little Johnny says βwell maybe see if he will give you the rest of the day offβ and then the boss comes in and Susie is hanging upside down on the chandelier saying βIβm a light bulbβ and the boss says βmaybe you should talk the rest of the day off. So Susie goes out the door and Johnny follows her and the boss asks βwhere do you think youβre going?β And Johnny replies βyou expect me to work in the fucking dark?β
The teacher asks the class, β there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?β
Johnny replies, β none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.β
The teacher says, β no three are left but I like the way you think.β
So then Johnny says, β let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?β
The teacher says, β the one sucking?β
Johnny says, β no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.β
Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not
Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.
Ruth hits a tree.
Johnny decides to continue on.
Ruthlessly.
Teacher: βWell that is the worst spell of weather weβve had in a while!β
When he got to old man Johnsonβs house the old man said βMy yard doesnβt need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. Iβll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown Iβll throw in a 50 dollar bonusβ.
With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.
Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnsonβs door to collect his hundred dollars.
βAll finished, thatβll be one hundred dollarsβ!
Noticing there wasnβt a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.
βNow little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porchβ?
βI sure am! Oh and by the way thatβs not a porch, itβs a Ferrariβ!
Johnny - 'Someone else's trousers on Miss.'
She said, "that's almost core-rect."
Heβs come full circle, heβs a pun crocker.
FINNISH HYMN!!
To have better axe-ess to apples.
As told by my 8 year old.
For the love of God, don't let Kevin Bacon pass away
The only thing I responded with was, βI wouldnβt.β
Ooh ooh Pygmy!! Pygmy!!
"OMG I'm such a huge Fan"
A u-seless fiddle (sorry if you havenβt heard the song, check it out, is lovely).
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
He HEARD an AMBER alert!!
I guess I just have good Depp perception.
Because it was too cold outTide.
Punchline.
George Clooney said βIβll direct!β Johnny Depp said βIβll produce!β Mathew McConaughey said βIll write, Iβll write, Iβll write.β
I guess itβs not for me to say
Guest: "What's your secret?"
Cash: "We go in the yard"
The terrorists have one.
On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what itβs doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny canβt believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says βYouβre not going to believe what I just sawβ
βWhat happened Johnnyβ says his mom
βThis car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woodsβ
The mom then says βnow little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully letβs not use those words. Letβs say rectum insteadβ
Johnny then replies
βWrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!β
All the other demons said, "curse you!"
I guess George Lucas wasn't a fan of "Ewok the Line."
And he ran inside screaming "Mommy mommy I've been stung by a bee!"
So Johnny's mother says, "Oh calm down, lets put some cream on it"
At this Little Johnny replies "But how? It must be miles away by now!"
Badum Tsssss
My dad absolutely LOVES this joke, and he tells it to EVERYBODY, at first some people look at him confused but after a second or two everybody gets it and laughs, I swear to god Every. Damn. Time. And I love it
Just to watch him dye.
The Loan Ranger: Collecting Interest
The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed
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