James I Puns

It's clear that I've just met my arch nemesis.

But he does have some super fans.

They recently came out as a woman. It's Ronnie's trans sister Ray Dio.

He's the lyin' king.

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

What is The James, you ask?

Well, it typically goes by its nickname (The Gym), if that helps.

Best trade ever.

I still wonder what he named his other leg.

Boss: No problem.

(3 days later)

James: Boss, my brother is in town. I need the day off.

Boss: Wait a second...

I was shaken, but not stirred.

Hail to the King!

I work for a brewery and we just made a rasberry blonde ale. We try to come up with punny names for each but I can't get one that sticks. Please help!!

If we get one good enough you could see the beer you named at you're local bar or market!

Edit: Talked to the work crew tonight. The top ones from this post were, blonde, James blonde, Razzy nights, redhead redemption, rasbeery, and All that Razz. There were tons of great ones, the names I mentioned seemed to get the most attention. If you guys wanna see what wins or help vote for the winner follow UNPLUGGED brewery on facebook, there should be a poll soon.

Thank you all for the help!!

Update!! The winner of the name poll is: ALL THAT RAZZ. Keep an eye out at your local stores or bars

My brother: I couldn’t stand working at a convenience store; I’d snap on somebody.

Me: hopefully his name is James and he’s skinny.

Brother: why?

Me: Snap into a Slim Jim

"Isn't your name James?"

"Yes, but I was named AFTER Albert Einstein."

Genie: “What’s your first wish?”

James: “I wish I was rich.”

Genie: “What’s your second wish, Rich”

...Actually i prefer 'James'

People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.

Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.

"But muuummm, I don't wanna eat my Brussel sprouts!"

Credits to Mr James Iha in APC.

Me: I want to name our son James.

Wife: Why?

Me: No reason.

9 months later

Wife: My water broke

Me: Let the James begin

& just in time. I had become so unfamiliar with the gym, I started calling it the James.

For formal occasions, I wear my James clothes.

Me: Huh, I forgot James Gunn directed this.

Dad: Yeah, the studio decided they'd give him a shot.

Me: ...thanks, dad.

Dad: Hey, I thought about it, and decided to pull the trigger.

I have a few examples of what I'm looking for. I like them, but I'm sure the power of Reddit can come up with some that are even better!

• William (Bill) Ding

• James (Jim) Nastics

• Bart Ender

• Ted Manwalkin

• Gustavo (Gus) Undheit

As you can see, they don't even have to be straight up puns when said normally, but their common nicknames lend themselves into it. Anyone have any more good ones? Bad ones are appreciated too, lets all have a laugh!

I'm doing a poster on Electron Absorption Spectroscopy, where we measure the absorption of 4 Dyes, and I need a title. My old title was "Dye Another Day" but I decided to make the poster paint themed as opposed to James Bond themed and if possible I'd like a title that reflects that. Thanks!

A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.

He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.

I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.

So I googled James Brown.

I was telling my family that my friend's dad, James, had recently gotten a vasectomy. Without missing a beat my dad exclaimed "If he were a plant he'd be a Jim-no-sperm!" and laughed uproariously while the rest of the family just shook their heads.

My dad answers the door and one of the missionaries says, "Good afternoon sir. I am Elder Mike and this is Elder James and we were wondering if you had a few moments to talk about the good news of Jesus Christ." My dad replies, "Wow! I had no idea Elder was such a common name!"

So at the restaurant where I work, managers are referred to as "PICs" (pronounced "pick"). This stands for Person in Charge. Its stupid, I know. Anyway, I work in the front of house, and I hear my coworker James, who works in the kitchen, yell through the order window; "I NEED TO SEE A PIC. I NEED A PIC OVER HERE! CAN I SEE A PIC?"

I walked over and stared at him through the order window. While maintaining eye contact I slowly inserted my finger into my nose and rotated it. He gaped at me, open-mouthed.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"You asked to see a pick."

And then I laughed for like ten straight minutes while he shook his head in pity.

Son: Hey dad do you know what?

Me: Why yes, Dr Watt, Dr James Watt, He invented the lightbulb, as a matter of fact it was a 60 watt.

Son: Groans and walks away

I have been doing this for years I don't know where I got it from.

[James Bond theme plays on TV in the living room]
Dad: You recognize that, Josh?
Me: Yeah, because James Bond and Thanksgiving go hand-in-hand.
Dad: I know!
Me: I was being sarcastic.
Dad: Why?
Me: How does it have anything to do with Thanksgiving?
Dad: Oh come on, a lot of families Bond on Thanksgiving!

Mom, Dad and I go out to dinner at Iron Hill.

Waitress : Hi! My name is Katie and I'll be your server tonight.

Dad : Hi Katie! I'm Jim, this is James and that's Sue and we will be your eaters tonight!

Me : God Dammit Dad.

I was on a walk with my Dad last night and our conversation reached the topic of James Bond films.

Dad: "I've been to the place where they filmed the crocodile stunt in Live and Let Die."

Me: "Jamaica?"

Dad: "No, she came of her own accord"

Took a look at her perfume. The name was Elizabeth and James "nirvana". She put it on and I gave it a smell. I told her "you know what this smells like...?" "what?" "...teen spirit."

Me and my boyfriend were sitting in bed watching a James Bond movie when my cat crawled under the blanket and curled beside me. I said to him "she's under cover". He pulled up the blanket and started blowing on her - I asked him what he was doing, and he said "blowing her cover".

A few of the new trainees approached me at work today and told me how part of their (and probably every other American's) New Years Resolutions were to get in better shape. They proceeded to ask me if I knew any gyms in the area.

Naturally I responded, "No, but I know a few James's"

Groaning ensued.

While sitting down to watch the Blu-Ray

Him: "How long is the new James Bond movie?"

Me: "I exSpectre it will be at least two hours."

Me: Hey, how old is this Ultron guy anyway?

Friend: I don't know. James Spader is about 50.

Me: I thought for sure you'd know how old he was.

Friend: Why?

Me: The whole movie is about the age of Ultron, isn't it?