He was a little chili.
Some might say I was in - hella-pain-yo
Because he's jalapeno business
A jalapeño walks into an Eskimo bar. Bartender says, "Aren't you too hot to be in here?" Jalapeño replies, "No, I'm a little chili."
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
Ha ha jalapeno.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business!
It gets jalapeno face
Me: Reach for the jalapenos to put on my enchiladas
Dad: Be careful. Those jalapenos can get really personal.
Me: What?
Dad: Yeah, they'll get jalap-en-yo business.
Me: Laugh hysterically
When it starts getting jalapeno business.
I dont know but he sure was jalapeno face!
He got "jalapeno" face!
At work today, a friend of mine came in with two dried Carolina Reaper peppers. If you aren't familiar with these bad boys, they are hotter than Lucifer's testicles themselves. 2.2 Million Scoville units. Two times hotter than the ghost pepper.
To put it into perspective, a jalapeno is about 5000 scoville units. This one was 2.2 fucking million.
Anyway. I walked past my buddy's desk and he asked if I wanted some of the pepper.
OF COURSE I DID!!!
He gave me 1/4 of one of these little peppers and he even dared me to chew it for 15 seconds before swallowing. Which I did. To say that my mouth felt like the burning hemorrhoids of satans budding asshole would be a vast understatement.
One of the girls who sat near my buddy looks at me -- pacing back and forth around the room, sweating, crying -- and she says:
>"Cane-Dewey, are you alright!?"
I could barely breathe let alone speak. But through all the pain and angush, I still managed to mutter out:
>"No, I'm half left.
Because they get Jalapeno business!
Because he's always Jalapeno Ass.
I'm sorry
Get jalapeno business.
Get jalapeno business.
It gets JALAPENO FACE!
It gets jalapeno face.
Gets jalapeno business.
It gets jalapeno face
It gets jalapeno business.
It gets jalapeno business
It gets Jalapeno business!
Jalapeno business!
