I was like what are you some kinda meaty urologist?
He does a lot of cross fit.
Can't believe how rude my mechanic was
Our family was out eating at an Italian restaurant. My brothers glasses started fogging up which happens.
Mom: If you want we can always get you contacts.
Brother: No, I don't need them, it's just when my glasses fog up I can't see jack.
Dad: don't worry I'll help you find him "Jack you around?"
This happened in public... People saw. Then whenever people would walk by he would look at my brother and ask if it was Jack.
Jack and the beans talk.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
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They had a son who went on to become a famous musical star. michal-jack-son
Jack and the beans talk
...It was Kief or Southernland.
Pumpkin Pi
Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton
He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"
A dull evening.
A pumpkin patch
A Skelling-Ton
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
With a pumpkin patch.
Jack and the Bean stalk.
He’s Jack in the box.
Nah...they're mine, I said.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Everyone could always see when he was coming.
Bob:..."Yes, they're in favor of it, 14 to 3..."
"Your kid in me."
I feel grate!
Chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.
“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.
flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap
Sure makes Stevie Wonder.
He kept hitting on 17.
There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.
“Look at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. “Earth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”
“A new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. “Let us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.
“I see”, said the student. “It’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”
“That’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. “You just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”
His students registered dismay and anguish.
“Isn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.
“Ahm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. “Oh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.
“So you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, “Mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”
Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. “And he”, he said, turning to his students, “is clearly the gradi
... keep reading on reddit ➡Sorry, that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
The suspension is killing me.
A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...
Jack and the beans talk.
Jack and the beans talk.
Pumpkin Pi
With a pumpkin patch
Jack and the beans talk.
Jack and the beans talk
You use a pumpkin patch.
Jack and the beans talk...
