The setup: I tell a victim (I mostly did that to women) that I just learned about an interesting personality test. Then I tell her to list all her senses (hearing, sight, etc) and that from the order in which she lists them I can infer some of her character traits. Once sheβs done, I go - the list you gave tells me something very important about you, namely that you have difficulty understanding jokesβ¦ (pause, perplexed expression on a victimβs face) b/c you didnβt list a sense of humorβ¦
Iβve got a lot of groans and some good laughs out of them ladies :) The only difficulty is keeping a straight face throughout)
Me: No I'm ham. Him: I'm ham too
A while back, one of my FB friends, someone I went to school with, posted about the Amphibian Foundation and how she learned that they actually have people whose job it is to tattoo numbers on the newts they breed (for population tracking)
So of course my smart ass replies "I guess you learn something newt every day"
Well, it's only a brototype.
(This joke literally came to me in a dream, I woke up and wrote it down asap. Not sure if it already exists. )
In a roundabout way, he did become a fizzicist.
Me, pointing at his food: Wanna box for that?
Random dad: No, but Iβll wrestle you for it.
A blast from the past!
Dad: βYep, itβs Universalβ
This interaction occurred as we left our Disney hotel room heading to the bus to EPCOT.
But Iβm pretty sure she was hitting on me
This is as close as I could get.
"Chowder you guys doing today? Miso sorry for the puns, what can I get βphα» you, brother?"
https://i.imgur.com/7GJQhCT.png
Sister: describing character from book She doesn't have her right arm. So she has a prosthetic.
Dad: Has she ever left her prosthetic at home?
Girlfriend says: I have to use the restroom. Me: Why? Are you that tired?
Mom: I'm sure bread will be by quickly Dad: Our server's name is Jeff, not bread
A while ago, I had a funny interaction when I called the lift to go to my flat. In it, a deeply apologetic clearly German neighbour. She had it absolutely filled to the brim with assorted pots and vases.
Standard greetings, "no worries", and found myself a corner in which to stand in-between pots. Queue the jazzy lift music.
"So, what are you? Some sort of pot dealer?"
"Nein! Diese are from a Freund!β
Her: >Do doctor's offices allow facial piercings on their employees? I have an interview. Should I remove my lip and nose ring?
Him: >Wow... You can take your lip off????
Next week the museum I work at begins a three-week run of what we call Bubblefest. There will be bubbles everywhere, a bubble laser show, all kinds of exhibits and interactive shows explaining some of the science involved with bubbles. So I need some jokes and puns to replace the old standby of "my pop is bigger than your pop!"
Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.
Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.
Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?
W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?
M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and
W: You should post that joke there!
I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.
I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...
(Walmart, son, stranger interaction.)
Son: hi, I got a haircut.
Stranger: looks like you got more than just one.
Son: (silence)
Me: bent over losing it
βItβs actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.β
This is the exact interaction that took place:
Dad: I have a joke for you
Me: Aight.
Dad: When someone expresses an annoying opinion ask them...
Me: Go on. Im enthralled.
Dad: Deer eat grass, cows eat grass
Dad: Horses eat grass
Dad: Ask: why is deer poop like raisins but cow poop look like paddies and horse look like apple plop
Dad: He or she will say I do not know
Dad: R u ready for punchline?
Me: I was born ready.
Dad: Ok then...
Dad: U say, why do I care what u say when you don't know shit!
Me: I see you learned to text message.
Why did you name him that?
"Haven't you seen Lion King? He's named after the meerkat!"
That is not a meerkat, it is a mere cat.
Interaction with my stepsister. She was not amused.
I worked at a grocery store for several years, sometimes as a bagger. Sometimes my interactions went like this:
Me: paper or plastic?
Customer: it doesn't matter, you choose
Me: I'm sorry, I can't do that
Customer: why not?
Me: because baggers can't be choosers
(Groans)
He's nine, and we were talking about how he interacts with his younger sister. I sometimes need to correct some of his behavior, but I'm not too worried about it, "because your heart is in the right place"
Son: "yes, on the left side of my body"
We were just casually sitting in the living room when this short interaction took place:
Dad: What time would you like to have dinner?
Mom: pause Dinnertime!
Dad proceeded to roll his eyes.
Today, Eat24 proposed to me after I punned at them. This may be the best customer service interaction I've ever seen.
https://storify.com/backtobeatrice/taking-out-the-take-out
and that their interaction went like this:
3 Doors Down: "Hey, we're 3 Doors Down"
Dad: "So what, I'm 2 floors up."
So I don't have a joke, I just wanted to share that my 6 year old daughter is completely on board with my dad jokes all of a sudden and it's fucking awesome.
This is the new normal interaction with my daughter: -she throws her stuffed bear on bean bag. -I sit on top of said bear on bag containing beans. -she screams nooooooooo! Don't! -I get up and say "he doesn't look beary hurt to me, he looks fine."
And this here's the great part, SHE says "get it?....beary!" And she then goes on to explode laughing and repeating "beary!" It's basically the opposite of what my wife's reaction is everytime I make a joke.
I know it won't last long, but shit is it sweet.
This is an interact I saw today on Facebook between a friend and his dad.
Friend: What do you want for lunch today, Rich? I think I'll go for a piping hot bowl of chicken soup. Oh and if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to spill the entire container all over myself while I'm waiting in line to pay, thank you.
Dad:I guess Lunch was on you.
Ahhhhhhhh!
Friend: GODDAMMIT DAD
Just discovered this awesome subreddit and have a dad joke that I heard while hanging out with my friend a while back. We're driving back to their house and the interaction went like this:
Friend: Hey dad, want to hear a joke?
Dad: Sure, hit me!
Friend: What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Dad: thinks to himself Phoenix and Scottsdale!
Friend: I-what? Phoenix and Scottsdale?
Dad: Yeah, you said his two sons! Tuscon, Arizona! Phoenix and Scottsdale!
He just howled with laughter while my friend kept calling him lame.
Dad and I would be innocently walking around the food store and happen upon the prepared foods aisle when he would notice the Hamburger Helper boxes. He'd laugh to himself, just thinking about the lame joke he always tells before it even comes out of his mouth.
"What do you call a masturbating cow?!"
Normally the way a joke works is you wait for someone to interact with you, answer your question or at least acknowledge that you're telling a joke - not my dad. He yells at himself at the top of his lungs.
"BEEF STROGANOFF!! ...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Really loudly. Way louder than any person should ever speak indoors. ..I miss him.
'Interactive lecture' in a Systems Engineering class (not that that's relevant) when the Assistant Professor starts directing questions to the students to move forward in the lecture material.
Settles on me and asks me a pretty straightforward question that I started overthinking and got all deer-in-the-headlight-y.
Fancies himself some sort of comedian so he quips "C'mon, I'm throwing you a softball (question)."
To this I come up with an immediate response: "I don't play softball."
