A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Countertop installers always taking

Their jobs for granite

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.

That's my Mployment record.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do HVAC installers store their money?

In a duct bank.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dom1tron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if the guy that put the blinds up at my office was a blind installer

Nope, he could see.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/osp79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?

Carpet dem.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoolilba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between an art installation and performance art?

Crap on your neighbors doorstep then ring the doorbell - that's an art installation.

Ring the doorbell THEN crap on his doorstep - that's performance art.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdb12345
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my grandfather how he was enjoying the new stairlift that was installed in his house.

He said, β€œIt’s driving me up the wall.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My job installed this new faucet. Im really faucinated by it
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I installed a new range hood for an oven

Wife: You need to knock out the vent hole.

Me: I think due to the pandemic, we should wait.

Wife: Why?

Me: The country is low on vent hole laters.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8Heists
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man installed on his car new brakes, bearings, crankshaft, tires and exhaust.

He took a break, he couldn't bear it.. he was cranky, tired and exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yakir13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I have fantasised about installing irrigation my whole life

But it's just a pipe dream

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
After the contractor did a poor job installing the moving stairs in our office building my boss threw him down the steps.

That escalated quickly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.

They loved chalk lit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet

I’ve been having a blast

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtrellik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The engineer installed a motor too powerfull in the moving stairway

It escalated very quickly.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A German friend of mine actually installed a bath around his desk !?..

Bad um tisch..

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
guess what my dad won’t let me put on my car?

dammit, I’m not even allowed to mark this post as a spoiler

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biodelt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I got a job installing lightbulbs

The future is bright

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just installed a screw in my computer.

But I can’t find the driver for it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyBottom_YT
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of quitting my job installing windows.

It's a real pane.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Can we uninstall 2020 and re-install it?

I think it has a virus.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Illiteraytion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Can we uninstall 2020 and install it again?

This version has a virus.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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What do you call a black lady that installs and changes catheters?

Urethra Franklin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonelynumber72
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.

He gave me counter fit money.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You can order bathroom fixtures online and have someone at you door in a couple days ready to install it,

Just let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyloWrench
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just installed a new counter top

I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted to play 2d life.

So I installed 4 installs of half-life.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elfere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally got work installing wooden window blinds...

I SHUTTER when I think where I’d be without this job.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Apple would never make a house

Because they would have to install Windows on it

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/me_da_Supreme1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm getting fibre installed on Saturday.

It'll be nice to finally have regular internet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gilbertsmith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve just installed high voltage electrical fencing .....

My neighbour is dead against it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My job installing air ducts is very frustrating...

thank goodness I get to VENT a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to install windows.

It was a real pane.

(Credit to my partner Michael for all of my r/dadjokes entries).

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crescuesanimals
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed.

Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My dog initially barked when the people installing my shingles started then barked again as they finished...

Re-roofing complete.

*Edit: reworded punchline. I think it might be better said "replacing my shingles" but I cannot for the life of me edit that part...

*ahem* without hacking.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Anna and Elsa install air dryers in all of the castle bathrooms?

To make it Hans free

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfKhaos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Who's the best at installing covers for the instrument panels in automobiles

The Car Dashians.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H-DaneelOlivaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Just installed a new hydration system

It was well done

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrutusMaximu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If I ever own a business, I'm going to install a revolving door that looks like a glass container...

...that way, the door is always ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xSchneebSx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I've installed a Photoshop software.

It's a dope!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wunderbraten
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I installed the granite in the kitchen all by myself.

It was counterproductive

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.

He said, β€œI hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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