Apparently they are having a very grape day.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
When asked if there was any prevention, scientists stated you can either spit or get off the pot.
A lot of pilots are working from home too!
Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
My sister had a good one today at dinner.
We were all commenting about how my dad seems to be friends with a lot of plane pilots. My sister chimes in with "It's always good having friends in high places".
That would be something, now wooden tit?
A wet Pomeranian.
I hope it is a big cellar.
But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.
That's too many babies.
So mind your pees in queues.
Yeah, they say it’s Dublin.
Some days, I just don’t carrot all
It's panda-moan-ium.
At first he took one step and then stopped. Then he took three steps and then stopped. He kept increasing his steps this way along the sidewalk when I thought to myself, “That’s an odd way of walking.”
...I just couldn't bring myself to watch the next one. I just had this vague sense that something bad was going to happen.
I'm a bran ambassador.
Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
It’s getting old
and calling it Tailor Swift
His half-baked scheme didn't work out the way he had planned.
I call it:
THE A-TONE-MINT!!!!!
He said it lowers his maskulinity.
2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.
As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.
3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.
Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, “Now we are even.”
Look at it through a magnifying glass.
We call this high coo.
Parents don't tell their kids to straighten up anymore.
They want to decrease the gender pray gap
What kind of math do birds use?
Owl-gebra
What kind of math does a farmer use?
Cow-culus
What kind of math should you avoid if you have carpal tunnel?
A-wrist-metic
Which mathematical process would you use to find the total amount of chinaware you have?
Ad-dish-on
Which mathematical process would be most commonly found in a 1950's style diner?
Malt-iplication
If one runner on team injured her leg, how would you find out how many can still run?
Sub-track-tion
I was petrified.
But I think it was net gain
In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" 😂🤣
I mean... it's conceivable.
Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."
It'll lead to an increase in the Dettol.
The mean increases.
Scientists hypothesize this is because they're always surrounded by scales.
A heat-seeking hittle
The higher they are, the more spaced out they become.
It's Dublin.
