I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, โWhat the Hellman?โ
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Feb 10 2021
I have an ant infestation in my fridge and air-conditioning units!
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Jan 16 2021
Why donโt we ever have olives in our fridge?
Because I always eat olive them
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Aug 01 2020
My dad told me to look in the fridge and check out the milk that went bad
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jul 21 2020
I found one hard boiled egg in the fridge
It was the last one in the container. I took one bite and spit it out - no idea how long it had been there but clearly it had been too long.
"Rotten egg?" my husband asks. I agree. He says "Makes sense, it was the last one there."
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Apr 26 2020
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ May 31 2020
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.
She looked at me and said, โIโm having a T party.โ
I chortled.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jun 26 2020
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Feb 24 2020
Which table fits in the fridge?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ May 26 2020
Why didn't the mayonnaise want to go back in the fridge?
Because it saw the salad dressing
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Apr 22 2020
The other day my wife couldnโt find any apples in the fridgeโฆ
โฆit was a fruitless search.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ May 19 2020
I just accidentally sucked up one of my kid's alphabet fridge magnets in the vacuum
๐︎ 22
๐
︎ Feb 22 2020
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
๐︎ 19
๐
︎ Jan 29 2020
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 26 2019
How do you know if thereโs a dinosaur in your fridge?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Nov 13 2019
My wife has started keeping a dry-erase board labeled 'Grocery List' on the fridge, so I filled it in while she was gone this morning.
-
Kroger
-
Wal-Mart
-
Lucky's
-
Whole Foods
-
Winn Dixie
etc, etc
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Jan 07 2015
My girlfriend told me to heat up the chilli in the fridge for dinner.
I asked if I wasn't better off heating up the chilli in the microwave. No response.
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Nov 19 2014
What do you call a person who isn't sure if there's any more eggs in the fridge?
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jun 27 2019
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 29 2019
How can you tell if there's a Stegosaurus in your fridge?
You can't close the door.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jul 04 2019
I keep a spare grilled tortilla with cheese sandwich in my fridge.
It's a just-in-quesadilla.
๐︎ 49
๐
︎ Apr 11 2018
Why does a blonde have an empty bottle in the fridge?
In case someone comes and doesn't want a drink.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Apr 02 2019
My dad accidentally left a knife in the fridge...
Mom found it and she yelled from the kitchen: "Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
My dad, without missing a beat, replied: "Because revenge is a dish best served cold!"
God damn, dad.
๐︎ 366
๐
︎ May 26 2015
No matter how good they look, Iโll be avoiding all of the Thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge this year.
Iโm quitting cold turkey.
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Nov 15 2018
I went over to my dad's house this morning for breakfast. With a worried look, I turned to him and said, "Dad, did you know there's mold in your fridge?"
He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Dec 14 2018
So my dad accidentally left his glasses in the fridge...
When he found out, I said "I guess you just wanted to look cool."
๐︎ 130
๐
︎ Mar 01 2017
Why didn't the husband put the frosted cake in the fridge?
It was a 'frost free' fridge.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Apr 13 2018
Did you hear about the guy who locked himself in the walk-in fridge?
When a coworker heard him yelling, the coworker said "Dude, I'm coming, just chill!"
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Oct 24 2018
What do the people of Mordor use to cover their leftover food in the fridge?
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Jul 23 2017
Me: Anything to eat? Wife: There's salmon I baked in the fridge. Me: Next time you should bake it the oven. Waka waka waka!
๐︎ 450
๐
︎ Apr 04 2014
Which food does Batman always have in his fridge?
You know he always got-ham.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Nov 17 2018
My wife just told me "I put sausages in the fridge. To cook."
I told her "That won't work. I'll do them on the BBQ."
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jun 06 2017
My Dad got the milk out of the fridge and starting waving it back and forth in front of my face...
Dad: What's that?
Me: I don't know
Dad: It's past-your-eyes milk
Me: Groans
๐︎ 42
๐
︎ Feb 25 2015
I thought the cheese in my fridge was looking a little sad.
Turns out it was just a queso the Mondays.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jan 15 2018
Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge?
Because it was a bit-off pudding.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 12 2018
My friend wouldn't let me put my beer in his fridge...
I told him, "It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 26 2018
What did Tony the Tiger say to the milk jug when asked about a bunch of swollen raisins sitting in the corner of the fridge?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 22 2018
Girlfriend spots me raiding the fridge: "There's a man in the fridge..."
Me: "He's just chilling out!"
๐︎ 101
๐
︎ Aug 29 2015
Dad said we had a massive leak in the fridge. (x-post from r/funny)
๐︎ 77
๐
︎ Oct 06 2013
I told my dad we had a couple of pears left in the fridge
"So we have a pair of pears?"
I walked into that one, I guess.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 16 2017
Recently renovated the kitchen at work and found this on the walk-in fridge
imgur.com/FnW0FMM
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Aug 03 2015
My wife said there were two pears in the fridge. Then told me that my daughter took a pear for lunch.
So I said "I guess that means there's none left?"
That one took a while to set in. She looked confused until I had to repeat "If there were two, then [daughter] took a pear...."
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Nov 21 2016
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