I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, “What the Hellman?”
I have an ant infestation in my fridge and air-conditioning units!
Why don’t we ever have olives in our fridge?
Because I always eat olive them
My dad told me to look in the fridge and check out the milk that went bad
I found one hard boiled egg in the fridge
It was the last one in the container. I took one bite and spit it out - no idea how long it had been there but clearly it had been too long.
"Rotten egg?" my husband asks. I agree. He says "Makes sense, it was the last one there."
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.
She looked at me and said, “I’m having a T party.”
I chortled.
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
Which table fits in the fridge?
Why didn't the mayonnaise want to go back in the fridge?
Because it saw the salad dressing
The other day my wife couldn’t find any apples in the fridge…
…it was a fruitless search.
I just accidentally sucked up one of my kid's alphabet fridge magnets in the vacuum
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
How do you know if there’s a dinosaur in your fridge?
My wife has started keeping a dry-erase board labeled 'Grocery List' on the fridge, so I filled it in while she was gone this morning.
-
Kroger
-
Wal-Mart
-
Lucky's
-
Whole Foods
-
Winn Dixie
etc, etc
My girlfriend told me to heat up the chilli in the fridge for dinner.
I asked if I wasn't better off heating up the chilli in the microwave. No response.
What do you call a person who isn't sure if there's any more eggs in the fridge?
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there's a Stegosaurus in your fridge?
You can't close the door.
I keep a spare grilled tortilla with cheese sandwich in my fridge.
It's a just-in-quesadilla.
Why does a blonde have an empty bottle in the fridge?
In case someone comes and doesn't want a drink.
My dad accidentally left a knife in the fridge...
Mom found it and she yelled from the kitchen: "Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
My dad, without missing a beat, replied: "Because revenge is a dish best served cold!"
God damn, dad.
No matter how good they look, I’ll be avoiding all of the Thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge this year.
I’m quitting cold turkey.
I went over to my dad's house this morning for breakfast. With a worried look, I turned to him and said, "Dad, did you know there's mold in your fridge?"
He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.
So my dad accidentally left his glasses in the fridge...
When he found out, I said "I guess you just wanted to look cool."
Why didn't the husband put the frosted cake in the fridge?
It was a 'frost free' fridge.
Did you hear about the guy who locked himself in the walk-in fridge?
When a coworker heard him yelling, the coworker said "Dude, I'm coming, just chill!"
What do the people of Mordor use to cover their leftover food in the fridge?
Me: Anything to eat? Wife: There's salmon I baked in the fridge. Me: Next time you should bake it the oven. Waka waka waka!
Which food does Batman always have in his fridge?
You know he always got-ham.
My wife just told me "I put sausages in the fridge. To cook."
I told her "That won't work. I'll do them on the BBQ."
My Dad got the milk out of the fridge and starting waving it back and forth in front of my face...
Dad: What's that?
Me: I don't know
Dad: It's past-your-eyes milk
Me: Groans
I thought the cheese in my fridge was looking a little sad.
Turns out it was just a queso the Mondays.
Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge?
Because it was a bit-off pudding.
My friend wouldn't let me put my beer in his fridge...
I told him, "It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
What did Tony the Tiger say to the milk jug when asked about a bunch of swollen raisins sitting in the corner of the fridge?
Girlfriend spots me raiding the fridge: "There's a man in the fridge..."
Me: "He's just chilling out!"
Dad said we had a massive leak in the fridge. (x-post from r/funny)
I told my dad we had a couple of pears left in the fridge
"So we have a pair of pears?"
I walked into that one, I guess.
Recently renovated the kitchen at work and found this on the walk-in fridge
imgur.com/FnW0FMM
My wife said there were two pears in the fridge. Then told me that my daughter took a pear for lunch.
So I said "I guess that means there's none left?"
That one took a while to set in. She looked confused until I had to repeat "If there were two, then [daughter] took a pear...."
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