I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.
In retrospect we shouldn’t have been on that escalator.
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.
An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving
No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!
What's the difference between a poke in the eye and a poke in the hive?
One makes you see bad, the other makes a bee sad.
What do you call the love between two people that never engage in sexual activity and love eating a lot?
What is the difference between people in Abu Dhabi and people in Lebanon?
People in Lebanon do not like the Flintstones, while people in Abu Dhabi do.
How can you tell the difference between flowers that bloom in the day and flowers that bloom in the night?
The difference is day and night.
What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
What's the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.
I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end
Ig he really didn't stand a chance
Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.
At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!
In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A conversation between a child and dad in their home country Switzerland
Child : Dad, what's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland.
Dad: The flag is a big plus.
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.
I couldn’t differentiate between them.
When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
Now I realize it was just a phase.
Found this conversation between me and my mum in my Facebook memories
I accidentally dropped my phone in the bath yesterday. Some water got stuck in between the phone and it’s cover. I thought my phone was waterproof.
But apparently not in this case.
Convo between me and a lady friend, what do we think boys? Am I in?
I’ve recently designed a miniature IoT smart kitchen implement for straining vegetables. It’s a source of much discussion and argument between people in the culinary world.
You could say my creation is a little device-seive.
Today, in my garden, I came across a creature that was a cross between man and cat!
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man in on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle
What’s the difference between a man in a suit on a bicycle and and man in shorts and a T-shirt on a unicycle?
So there was an event in my town, a big group of people stood in the queue, and at the opposite direction there was a second line, the first people from the each line would walk in the between of those and punch each other, and then the second people go and punch themselves ect. They called it a...
Post was on a picture of the Simpsons where there was a flashback between Homer and Marge taking care of Bart and Lisa but theres a picture of Maggie in the background before she was born
What’s similarity between playing a chess and having a dinner in Australian restaurant?
They both end with “Checkmate”.
Who would win in a fight between a bunch of formal clothing?
No one! It would be a tie!
My daughter today asked me if they're called sandals because when you wear them you get sand all in between your toes and I am a very proud dad at the moment.
The difference between being under the moonlight and out in the sun...
What’s the difference between a lion with a thorn in its paw and a rainy day?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
I live in a really horrible nasty village in between D Vil and F Vil
I just crashed my car in a lane between two houses -- one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Ball, and one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Thank god I was dragged out by the Smiths.
What's the difference between a steak in space and a steak on Earth?
In my town, there was a court case between a husband and wife about who owned an outdoor storage building.
In the end, the judge dismissed it because the only evidence was "he shed, she shed".
What's the difference between people in Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws
You know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
What's the difference between someone who works in landscaping and someone who steals from a coffee shop?
One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.
What’s the difference between in-laws and Outlaws?
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
I failed my calculus exam in college because I was seated between two identical twins.
I couldn’t differentiate between them.
What's the difference between and out law and an in law?
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