What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?

Outlaws are wanted

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts snugly in a tight hole and works best when pulled.

A Seatbelt.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2021
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What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a mother in law

Lipstick

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Fox1984
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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What's the difference between a dishwasher in a sports BBQ and a blue whale?

One cleans the grill, the other gleans the krill.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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No one told me you'd get an allergic reaction if you stood in between Anna Kendrick and Phil Collins

I didn't expect the Anna-Phil-Axis to be so severe.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/isa5589
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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What's the biggest difference between male patients in a mental hospital and their female nurses?

They're nuts!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chrisesplin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18 2021
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What is the difference between a outlaw and a in-law?

Outlaws are Wanted!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/felixkt3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2021
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What is the difference between a man in a tuxedo riding a bicycle and a bum on a tricycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2021
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I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.

In retrospect we shouldn’t have been on that escalator.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
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What's the difference between a poke in the eye and a poke in the hive?

One makes you see bad, the other makes a bee sad.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KidDene
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.

I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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What's the difference between people in Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't like the flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PartyProNL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2020
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So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?

Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Darkbow85
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2019
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What do you call the love between two people that never engage in sexual activity and love eating a lot?

Gluttonic love.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlFasGD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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How can you tell the difference between flowers that bloom in the day and flowers that bloom in the night?

The difference is day and night.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/will_it_skillet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?

One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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Choices of D&D classes

I'm starting to play in a new D&D game, and I can't decide between playing a Bard or a Rogue.

Guess I'll have to weigh the Prose and the Cons. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ˜œπŸ˜œπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺ

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wonka88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2018
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I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end

Ig he really didn't stand a chance

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SilverStoneX1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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There was once a balloon family...

Papa balloon, Muma balloon and Bubba balloon.

Bubba balloon was still sleeping with Papa and Muma balloon but he was starting to get too big.

Papa and Muma balloon got a bedroom setup for Bubba balloon so they can finally sleep alone. But every night he would come in crying to sleep with Papa and Muma balloon but they never let up.

But one night, Bubba balloon waited for the Papa and Muma balloon to be faaaast asleep. He tried to squeeze in between them but he couldn't quite fit. Very carefully, he started to let some air out of Papa balloon... It wasn't enough. Very carefully, he let some air out of Muma balloon... But it still wasn't enough. He didn't want to deflate his parents any more... So he slowly let some air out of himself. It was perfect. He snuggled in and slept soundly.

The next morning, you could imagine how disappointed Papa and Muma balloon was. Papa balloon said: We tried to help you and tried to help you grow in toy a Big Boy balloon. We are so disappointed with you.

You let ME down... You let your Muma down... But most disappointing of all... You let yourself down!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Arokys81
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2019
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Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.

At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2020
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Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2021
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A conversation between a child and dad in their home country Switzerland

Child : Dad, what's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland.

Dad: The flag is a big plus.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
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What's the difference...

Between an Bouncy Australian Marsupial and a Geordie stuck in a coal mine? . . . . ...one's a Kangaroo the other is a Kangeroot.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/designerwookie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.

Now I realize it was just a phase.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2019
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Found this conversation between me and my mum in my Facebook memories
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RiddleInn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
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Convo between me and a lady friend, what do we think boys? Am I in?
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mr_Piscis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2019
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2021
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Ol’ Mr. Woodpecker

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AgedMurcury78
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
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I accidentally dropped my phone in the bath yesterday. Some water got stuck in between the phone and it’s cover. I thought my phone was waterproof.

But apparently not in this case.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 91
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phuonganh98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2019
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man in on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle

Attire

πŸ‘οΈŽ 67
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gaizar1027
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
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What is the difference between people in Abu Dhabi and people in Lebanon?

People in Lebanon do not like the Flintstones, while people in Abu Dhabi do.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KronosTaranto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2020
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What's the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws

Outlaws are wanted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 209
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarpalTunnelVision
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2020
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What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws

Outlaws are wanted

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SEC-Gaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
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You know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 95
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2019
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What’s the difference between in-laws and Outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 70
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/attidaddi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2018
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What's the difference between someone who works in landscaping and someone who steals from a coffee shop?

One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2019
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What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2019
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I failed my calculus exam in college because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 229
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2018
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