A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
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︎ Jan 10 2021
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Carrots may improve your eyes
But booze will double your vision
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
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︎ Nov 04 2020
How do you improve your archery?
With better arrow dynamics.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive
Now itβs in-bee-leavable!!!
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︎ Sep 10 2020
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...
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︎ Mar 24 2020
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
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︎ Apr 24 2020
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.
Forgot where I left it.....
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︎ Jan 25 2020
They should improve their marketeang
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︎ Oct 26 2019
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?
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︎ Oct 23 2019
How does a chiropractor improve their craft?
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︎ Dec 09 2019
What are the top two things that improve your hearing?
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︎ Aug 06 2019
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
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︎ Sep 19 2019
Reddit should have an app so that every upvote you get improves your credit score
It would be called Creddit Karma
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︎ Oct 01 2019
I asked an experienced gardener how I could improve my herb garden.
He gave me some sage advice.
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︎ Aug 29 2019
Iβve been eating toast to improve my self
Iβm a breader person for it
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︎ Sep 13 2019
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.
It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.
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︎ May 15 2019
Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year Iβll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...
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︎ Sep 17 2019
My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...
Me: A what?
Him: A repeater.
Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin
Him: Oh my god.
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︎ Nov 12 2016
Next year, Iβll expect my vision to improve drastically.
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︎ Feb 01 2019
Apparently Rice helps improve your memory.
Just some food for thought.
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︎ Nov 28 2018
They say wine improves with age...
But I still hate it and I'm 45.
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︎ Jan 06 2019
Where do you send a kid with ADHD during the summer to improve their focus?
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︎ Feb 02 2019
You can improve the efficiency of your air conditioner by using it after your air shampoo!
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︎ Sep 17 2016
In order to improve our relationship, my neighbor and I have decided to share our water.
We are trying to get a long well.
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︎ Sep 12 2018
In the 1970s farmers attempted giving weed to cows in order to improve milk production. However, they concluded the steaks were too high.
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︎ Jan 11 2018
To all the people waiting to find out how to improve your posture...
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︎ Jul 18 2018
Carrots might improve you vision....
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︎ Jul 05 2018
I tried to change the wording of the pizza joke to improve it...
But no matter how you slice it, itβs still cheesy, regardless of the delivery.
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︎ May 24 2018
My son sent me a recording of a song he wrote. I gave him a suggestion to improve it but he didn't Iike it. He said it was "cheesy" So i said, "Maybe if you worked on your Kraft a little harder you might get a single."
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︎ Jun 15 2017
As a traffic planner I was asked how and where I intended to improve flow through intersections. I pointed on the map and said,
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︎ Apr 30 2017
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︎ Feb 01 2017
My wife lectured me on how she could improve my tighty whities if she turned them into long johns.
I asked her to keep it brief.
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︎ Jan 27 2018
The Nordic countries are pooling their resources to improve renewable energy production.
Many Hans make light work.
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︎ Nov 03 2015
Trying to improve my dad joke repertoire
After a conversation on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and antibiotics research: "Why is the best disease research done in cities on the coast? Because they like to See de Sea!"
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︎ May 14 2014
Oranges improves your eyesight
Because it contains Vitamin See
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︎ Sep 06 2019
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
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︎ Jan 17 2019
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