Village Idiot Puns
Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...
- “I used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
- “I once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
- “I was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
- “I thought about being a witch for a spell.”
- “I tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
- “I was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
- “For awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
- “I once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
- “I tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
- “More recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
- “Heck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”
...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
Some idiot posted a Chinese telephone directory through my door...
It was full of Wong numbers.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How?
Well...
Are you going to tell me?
Why are you walking away without telling me?
Forget it. I didn’t want to know anyway...
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying “don’t go in there you idiot”
She was watching our wedding video again.
What do you call an idiot who’s hooked on pain killers?
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
An idiot graduating from university…
…is known as a baka-laureate.
/Oh I'm such a weeb
I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.
How do you confuse an idiot?
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
How do you fool an idiot into expecting something funny?
99.9% of people are idiots
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense...
What do you call an idiot with no eyes?
My wife just called me an idiot for constantly mixing up my idioms.
But it takes one to know someone.
How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb?
An idiot goes walking through the woods...
After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.
Whoever named Antarctica was an idiot.
There's like no ants there. At all.
What do ablack hole and an idiot have in common?
The closer to them you get, the more you appreciate their density.
My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.
He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.
[OC]Got a friend who is an idiot when messed up on opioids...
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Wanna know how to keep idiots in suspense?
Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?
It's good to keep up on current events.
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed “Ouch, what are you doing!!”
He says, “I’m applying the turn-a-cut!”
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but it’s been 45 minutes and they still haven’t turned up.
What did the sheep, idiot, and snake say when the dad told a joke?
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
...
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot ?
"Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times"
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'
How do you keep an idiot waiting?
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
My wife said “You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot…”
It was a third degree burn
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