Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend said, β€œYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

It was a third degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Some idiot posted a Chinese telephone directory through my door...

It was full of Wong numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 235
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

How?

Well...

Are you going to tell me?

Why are you walking away without telling me?

Forget it. I didn’t want to know anyway...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Play2Win1776
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.

https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying β€œdon’t go in there you idiot”

She was watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Commander_Glory
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an idiot who’s hooked on pain killers?

An oxymoron!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/innuen-doh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.

I was dad on arrival.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/busterpkeaton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
An idiot graduating from university…

…is known as a baka-laureate.

/Oh I'm such a weeb

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_J_Just_J
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parasnohwar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.

She's no better.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you confuse an idiot?

37

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Detroiter_1017
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikthise042
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you fool an idiot into expecting something funny?
πŸ‘︎ 324
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DBoayy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
99.9% of people are idiots

Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.

Baaaa dumb hisssssss

πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stoponby
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot in suspense...

[text has been deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an idiot with no eyes?

A dot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sh4d0wfr34k94
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just called me an idiot for constantly mixing up my idioms.

But it takes one to know someone.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brugink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
An idiot goes walking through the woods...

After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Whoever named Antarctica was an idiot.

There's like no ants there. At all.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/globalklaus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do ablack hole and an idiot have in common?

The closer to them you get, the more you appreciate their density.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.

He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
[OC]Got a friend who is an idiot when messed up on opioids...

I call him an OxyMoron.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebmob_7577
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Well... (found on idiots in cars) gfycat.com/clearloneblesb…
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samoneggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."

"Some parts are missing."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know how to keep idiots in suspense?
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?

It's good to keep up on current events.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed β€œOuch, what are you doing!!”

He says, β€œI’m applying the turn-a-cut!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but it’s been 45 minutes and they still haven’t turned up.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the sheep, idiot, and snake say when the dad told a joke?

Ba dum, tsss

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot in suspense

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? ...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HanzoHasSushi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you later.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flabbersmacker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot ?

"Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said, β€œYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

It was a third degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?

'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'

πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot waiting?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pinknoodles2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you later

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrewingBear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said β€œYou have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot…”

It was a third degree burn

πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.