A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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What's the height of stupidity?

2 bald men fighting over a comb

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How to address stupidity:

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdame2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I don’t understand stupidity.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Stupid pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirAren
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But IΒ mistΒ my chance. I guess I couldΒ dewΒ itΒ tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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During my time as a PhD student I used to draw stupid puns on the whiteboard. This is one of my favourites.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rizethespize
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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My girlfriend asked if I could go a day without making a 'stupid' pun... frayed knot.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tale_of_tejon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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Thought of a stupid pun at work, so I drew it [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Story of love at first stupid pun.

A man sees a woman in a grocery story and tries to make a joke through observational humor and she gets him good:

Man: Why are people so fanatical about buying all natural foods?

Woman: Maybe they're afraid of dying

Source

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyBanana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Channel Shark News

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phroedrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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I'll never vaccinate my kids, that's stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous.

I'd get the doctor to do it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_world_thin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Very stupid
πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I can't think about buying any stupid pure freshly squeezed juice right now.

I need to concentrate.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirateahoj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”

I said, β€œThat’s.....a novel idea.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I feel kinda stupid and kinda proud for coming up with this (drawing on a phone is hard)
πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_tak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Cross post from r/puns. She said I’m stupid, but deep down I know she was laughing. /r/puns/comments/k7lvpx/m…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Nobody cares about Golden Retrievers
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him

everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Long, stupid Dad joke

The ancient Greeks greatly feared volcanic explosions from Mt. Olympus, so they developed a tradition of sacrificing young maidens to the Gods on the mountain. Every year they selected five girls, and sacrificed four. Then they assigned the other one to stomp the olive harvest. That’s where we get Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addama33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s ugly, stupid and delicious

Turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I get drunk and make stupid memes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glib1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said β€œyou can’t just divorce with someone for being stupid” to which Mickey said:

β€œI didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c0olzero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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When a girl makes stupid decisions when she's turned on, can it be called clitical thinking?πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexushead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Someone thought I was stupid and tried to explain what a sawhorse is

But I shut him down immediately because I'm well aware that it's the past tense of seahorse

Thanks

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My dad told me a joke about airplanes

But it just went over my head.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abfinz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Since it started raining my wife just stares sadly through the stupid window …

If it gets any worse, I guess I’ll have to let her in.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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GOOse. Yea i know its stupid.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeedsHelpBad2023
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Arson is stupid
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamosapien6969
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

Quack Quack!

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_sniffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?

It's Pierre-reviewed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son got mad after I called his weed stupid

I said "Jeez cant you take a toke ?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/datdragonfruittho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Stupid math
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheeeBantu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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7 days without a pun

makes one weak.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmandawgfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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