Dad: 2 Cups of Coffee and an Ice Cream
A toaster you sicko
me: why have we been eating casserole so much recently?
mom: because it's winter! and winter is casserole weather!
me: I thought it was chili weather...
Them: Burning Stuff is cool Me: It's not cool, it's hot ... They didn't get it.
So we're having a BBQ at the park, grilling hot dogs and stuff and my brother brought potato salad for everyone, but only brought one plastic fork.
His wife asks if she can share it with him, and he says; "Nope, I am going to burn it as soon as I use it so there's no favoritism."
I say to him; "Why burn it? Why not just throw it out in the street?"
"Huh? Why would I do that?" he says.
"Because bro, that's how you get the fork in the road."
Groans and laughter were had by all. I was extremely proud of myself.
Me: Who's that carrying stuff in? Manager: Oh him! That's hot beer guy! Me: Hmm, why is he bringing us hot beer? I like my beer cold. Managers: group groan
