Ho ho ho!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ajfoucault
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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Oh ho
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bright_Dude
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.

(This is my No-L greeting.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DemonDuJour
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Garlicknottodaysatan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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Three Ho's walk into a bar

It's Santa Clause

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Regis_DeVallis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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Many people have heard of Post Malone. But how many of you have heard of Ho Malone?

Probably quite a few - it's a Christmas movie starring Macaulay Culkin.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
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Why did Ho Chi Minh never conduct espionage operations at Christmas?

That's the only time anyone actually looks for Minh's spies.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2020
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"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
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Santa walks into a bar and cheerily calls out β€œHo, Ho, Ho”

The barmen says β€œ they prefer to be called strippers”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
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HO! HO! HO! Why is Santa always smiling and laughing?

Because it's not him who buys the presents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gigadude17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2019
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Ho Chow calls into work

Ho Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." His boss says, You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you, I go to my wife and ask her for sex, that makes everything better and I go to work. Try it." Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and feel great, I be at work soon. You have a nice house too"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2019
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Hi ho the Derry-o, the...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2018
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Hi-ho the Derry-O...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CodehTheOneAndOnleh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2017
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Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.

The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".

Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 947
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
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What do you call Idaho prostitutes?

Tater Thots

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ursaerythraeus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
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Where would you hear the most gossip from a prostitute?

A ho-tell. That's where she would go to get something off her chest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
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Why Did Santa Catch Herpes?

Too many ho ho hos!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/funmunke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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I walked in the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhatPhlaps
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
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I punched Santa in the face

He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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Why do people call me Santa?

Cuz I get all the ho ho hos!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ApeGoOuoh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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How much does Santa’s sleigh cost?

Nothing ... it’s on the house.

(Ho Ho Ho)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stompya
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.

But he did call her a "ho" like three times.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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A beautiful lady called me Santa

i said " Ho Ho Ho please"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
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Moss Cow
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/serialchiller__
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2019
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I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...

He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
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With thanksgiving this weekend....

I picked the wrong weekend to quit cold turkey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Drinkythedrunkguy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2019
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My kid just told me she’s scared of Santa.

She’s Claustrophobic

πŸ‘οΈŽ 482
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2018
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What do you call hotel with a lot of floors?

A hoTall

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/all-hail-lord-Andy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2020
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What do you call a snail that gets around a lot?

Escar-ho.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JangoJake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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Horse is admitted in a hospital

Horse: enters a doctor's clinic clears throat Doctor: You have ho(a)rseness

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ubbless
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck

πŸ‘οΈŽ 205
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BaconLord14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2018
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An Investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaveCardistry
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2017
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I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night...

Not happy !

πŸ‘οΈŽ 116
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gonglesquat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2019
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Thought this guy looked a little melo-dramatic. imgur.com/hlZXZWK
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImaginingAlchemist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2019
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Where does Santa go when he's injured ?

To the Ho-Ho-Hospital

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_-Hendrik-_
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2020
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2019
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I used to think that motels were just better hotels

because there was mo of it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Coonster13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
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My 7-year old niece made this up: What does Santa say when someone makes a bad decision?

That's a ho-ho-horrible idea!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mcrabb23
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2019
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16-year old Daughter: Dad, I'm going Rasta now.

Dad: Yikes, so now I understand your ... aroma. Can you resume washing your hair at least?

16-year old Daughter: I can't. I'm dreading my hair.

Dad: That makes two of us!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2019
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Happy Ho idays!

No L.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beeblebrox237
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2018
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Why does Mrs. Claus hate Santa?

He has too many ho ho hos

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drewc249
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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