BrO before HO
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Ho ho ho!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajfoucault
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Oh ho
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bright_Dude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.

(This is my No-L greeting.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDuJour
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Three Ho's walk into a bar

It's Santa Clause

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regis_DeVallis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Why did Ho Chi Minh never conduct espionage operations at Christmas?

That's the only time anyone actually looks for Minh's spies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Many people have heard of Post Malone. But how many of you have heard of Ho Malone?

Probably quite a few - it's a Christmas movie starring Macaulay Culkin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Santa walks into a bar and cheerily calls out β€œHo, Ho, Ho”

The barmen says β€œ they prefer to be called strippers”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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HO! HO! HO! Why is Santa always smiling and laughing?

Because it's not him who buys the presents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gigadude17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Hi ho the Derry-o, the...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Ho Chow calls into work

Ho Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." His boss says, You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you, I go to my wife and ask her for sex, that makes everything better and I go to work. Try it." Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and feel great, I be at work soon. You have a nice house too"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Hi-ho the Derry-O...
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.

The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".

Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 944
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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What did the pirate call his girlfriend at the dock?

Land Ho!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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What do you call Idaho prostitutes?

Tater Thots

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursaerythraeus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Moss Cow
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialchiller__
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Why Did Santa Catch Herpes?

Too many ho ho hos!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funmunke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Where would you hear the most gossip from a prostitute?

A ho-tell. That's where she would go to get something off her chest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I walked in the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhatPhlaps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.

But he did call her a "ho" like three times.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Why do people call me Santa?

Cuz I get all the ho ho hos!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApeGoOuoh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I punched Santa in the face

He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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How much does Santa’s sleigh cost?

Nothing ... it’s on the house.

(Ho Ho Ho)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stompya
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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A beautiful lady called me Santa

i said " Ho Ho Ho please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My kid just told me she’s scared of Santa.

She’s Claustrophobic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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With thanksgiving this weekend....

I picked the wrong weekend to quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drinkythedrunkguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...

He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An Investigator

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaveCardistry
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
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I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night...

Not happy !

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gonglesquat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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What do you call hotel with a lot of floors?

A hoTall

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Horse is admitted in a hospital

Horse: enters a doctor's clinic clears throat Doctor: You have ho(a)rseness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ubbless
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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What do you call a snail that gets around a lot?

Escar-ho.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JangoJake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Thought this guy looked a little melo-dramatic. imgur.com/hlZXZWK
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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I used to think that motels were just better hotels

because there was mo of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Coonster13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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16-year old Daughter: Dad, I'm going Rasta now.

Dad: Yikes, so now I understand your ... aroma. Can you resume washing your hair at least?

16-year old Daughter: I can't. I'm dreading my hair.

Dad: That makes two of us!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Happy Ho idays!

No L.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beeblebrox237
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Why does Mrs. Claus hate Santa?

He has too many ho ho hos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewc249
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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