Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What did the haunted spice cabinet say when December arrived?

Season's greetings!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiNexius
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What do you call a haunted house drenched in gasoline?

Petrolfied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velvet_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why is haunted soup the best?

Because it's soup eerier

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Our house is being haunted by a manic depressive ghost

I call it our bipolargeist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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They said that my house is haunted

Doors opened by itself, Shower turned on by itself and many other unexplained activities.

i come to the conclusion that it was John Cena

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCPStudios
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What unlocks a haunted house?

Spooky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...

Nothing jumped out at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Apparently the elevator I’m in is haunted.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Did you hear about the layoffs aboard the haunted pirate ship?

They're down to a skeleton crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzmore
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What happened to the drum when he went to the haunted house?

He got snared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rslashhuman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I’m being haunted by a dead chicken!!

It’s a poultrygiest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Why did 4 not go to the haunted house?

Because he was 2 squared!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cale-k
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I thought my bathroom was haunted, but...

...it was just a spooky dookie!

PSA: This joke is rated for children 5 years and younger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I once tried doing stand up at a haunted comedy club

I got booed off stage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fenris752
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

That place was giving me the crΓͺpes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordg52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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I attended a comedy night at a haunted mansion

All the ghosts booed at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zance21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Who wrote the book 'The Haunted House Story'?

Hugo First.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maryfountain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I hate french haunted houses...

They give me the crepes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Dad, I think school is haunted

Why do you think so, son?

They keep talking about school spirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minesh245
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Haunted liquor store

So my fiancΓ©e and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: β€œI’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” FiancΓ©e: β€œWhat makes you say that?” M: β€œTheir sign says they have Spirits.β€œ

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G1ZMO5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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I was trying to pick my favorite scare from a haunted house...

But nothing really jumped out at me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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There's a haunted Kentucky Fried Chicken near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto-McWrect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Haunted French Pancakes...

....really give me the crΓͺpes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amisamiamiam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Why did the goose flee after going to the haunted place

It had goosebumps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaxyYoghurt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Luigi look so tipsy in his haunted mansion?

Because of all the Boos!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Any of you guys seen the movie about the haunted dairy product?

It’s called paranormal activia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/f33nan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm being haunted by the ghost of a French pastry chef.

He's really giving me the crepes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandehmand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to tour a haunted bathroom the other day...

In the toilet, floating just above the water, was a ghostly poop. I was so terrified, I shrieked a long sustained note until, finally, the feces disappeared.

Luckily I was able to remember that you can kill boo turds with one's tone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife doesn’t want to buy a house near a graveyard, because she’s afraid it’ll be haunted...

Personally I’d love to, because it would be dead quiet...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RunningPup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I keep getting haunted by the ghosts of snowmen...

Icy dead people...

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Found out my workplace was haunted today

Saw a few spirits along the beer aisle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thordenhime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I rented a house that turned out to be haunted. My landlord let me move to another house that he owned; that one was also haunted.

I guess I chose the lessor of two evils.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Reports of a new haunted bakery are surfacing

Customers report the bakery is giving them the crepes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I visited a haunted hotel in France

It gave me the crepes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VodkerAndToast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
This liquor store is haunted....

My coworker at a liquor store dropped this on our boss last night, credit to /u/TheCaliCashier. He isn't familiar with dadjokes so I had to bring it here for him.

TheCaliCashier: You know this store is haunted right?

Boss: Bullshit. I worked here twelve years and haven't seen anything.

TheCaliCashier: Well it is, but most the spirits are bottled.

Edit: Correcting punch line to actual delivery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jibbajabbawock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Haunted mountain

What do you call the top of a haunted mountain?

Peak-a-boo

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meb2gassy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
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Turns ot the busts on the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland don't actually look at you. They're just carved into the wall.

So that's a releif.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FremanKynes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2016
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Haunted french pancakes give me the crepes

This will continue to be my all-time fav pun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akayomi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Apparently the elevator I’m in is haunted.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, I think school is haunted.

Why do you think so?

They keep talking about school spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous414809
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What will you never find in a haunted house?

A living room.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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