Why did the priest quit his job to become a personal trainer?

He was really into exorcising

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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My local priest said he couldn't make it to dinner. He was busy exorcising our neighbours demons.

That's really nice of him. It's important that her demons stay healthy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a ghost go after it's been exorcised from a home?

It joins the IRS and begins repossessing houses

(My first attempt at a Dad joke)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakotathehuman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a Priest do when he goes to the gym?

He Exorcises.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coyote_CoolAid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Why are demons fat

Because they hate exorcising

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winged-sunrise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do witch doctors never get fat?

Because they’re always exorcising.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheglet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do priests stay fit?

They exorcise

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenisbacK_1900
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m out of shape because I was possessed by a lazy ghost.

I could use some exorcise.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Jesus so ripped ?

He did Crossfit.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you tell a priest to stay safe?

Tell him to exorcise caution

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Watermelencholy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't ghosts go into gyms?

Because people are exorcising.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epikshit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Had a conversation with my buddy about the Eli movie on Netflix, I think I did it right (Spoiler warning)

Buddy: Wait, so their idea was, "Your son is the devil, we can fix that with a bone marrow transplant and a virus?"

Me: No, I think they were lying about the retrovirus and just putting holy water and stuff into the marrow to exorcise him. That is my guess because they were just nuns, not real doctors.

Buddy: But, when he was freaking out at the end didn't the nurse say, "The gene therapy would have worked, but he was just too strong!"

Me: Oh yeah, maybe they had some of Jesus's DNA. So, instead of the CRISPR gene they use the CHRISTR gene....

I got an eye roll! No kids yet, but at least I know I can rise to the occasion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P-Ritch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are ghosts so fat?

Because they're scared to exorcise...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attikey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
How do ghosts maintain their shape?

They exorcise regularly

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Badjuju_Gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are priests always super fit?

They exorcise a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the Catholic priest so fit?

He exorcised.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What makes a priest sweat?

Exorcising

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hailvq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor: You need to get into shape.

Me: I try, but my inner demons get the best of me. What should I do, doc?

My doctor: Exorcise three times a week.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
How do spirits keep fit?

They exorcise.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glorious_Sampai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
🚨︎ report
There was once a priest who was constantly doing jumping jacks.

His peers immediately recognized his vast experience exorcising.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad dropped this one when talking about the afterlife

Dad: you know, when I die, I am probably gonna haunt you and this house

Me: Whatever, I'll just exorcise you..

Dad: Good! I'll be even stronger!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ynsaad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Why are demons fat...

Because they hate exorcising!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcm929
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do priests stay fit?

They exorcise

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bease23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do ghosts do to stay fit?

They exorcise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shineeThang
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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