Haunted Puns

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

Petrolfied

Because it's soup eerier

I call it our bipolargeist.

Doors opened by itself, Shower turned on by itself and many other unexplained activities.

i come to the conclusion that it was John Cena

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

Spooky

Nothing jumped out at me.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

They're down to a skeleton crew.

He got snared.

It’s a poultrygiest

Because he was 2 squared!

...it was just a spooky dookie!

PSA: This joke is rated for children 5 years and younger.

I got booed off stage

That place was giving me the crêpes

All the ghosts booed at me.

Hugo First.

They give me the crepes.

Why do you think so, son?

They keep talking about school spirit

So my fiancée and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: “I’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” Fiancée: “What makes you say that?” M: “Their sign says they have Spirits.“

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

But nothing really jumped out at me

They think it's poultrygeist.

....really give me the crêpes.

Cos I scream every time I come inside you

It had goosebumps

Because of all the Boos!

It’s called paranormal activia

He's really giving me the crepes

In the toilet, floating just above the water, was a ghostly poop. I was so terrified, I shrieked a long sustained note until, finally, the feces disappeared.

Luckily I was able to remember that you can kill boo turds with one's tone.

Personally I’d love to, because it would be dead quiet...

Icy dead people...

Saw a few spirits along the beer aisle.

Customers report the bakery is giving them the crepes.

It gave me the crepes

My coworker at a liquor store dropped this on our boss last night, credit to /u/TheCaliCashier. He isn't familiar with dadjokes so I had to bring it here for him.

TheCaliCashier: You know this store is haunted right?

Boss: Bullshit. I worked here twelve years and haven't seen anything.

TheCaliCashier: Well it is, but most the spirits are bottled.

Edit: Correcting punch line to actual delivery.

What do you call the top of a haunted mountain?

Peak-a-boo

So that's a releif.

This will continue to be my all-time fav pun.

... are just well manored.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

Why do you think so?

They keep talking about school spirit.

A living room.