You’ll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and that’s okay, because most of the consequences won’t follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?

A ghost boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the haunted spice cabinet say when December arrived?

Season's greetings!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiNexius
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a haunted house drenched in gasoline?

Petrolfied

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velvet_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is haunted soup the best?

Because it's soup eerier

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s up with ghosts haunting people? Aren’t there more interesting things to do in the afterlife? [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButterKnifeComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Our house is being haunted by a manic depressive ghost

I call it our bipolargeist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the ghost haunt the liquor store?

They had his favorite BOOze.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a ghost that exclusively haunts city hall in the evening...

He’s a Night Mayor

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Top ten puns that will haunt you
πŸ‘︎ 382
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ja964129
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?

Because they can't wait to boo the performers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIWannabeME
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
They said that my house is haunted

Doors opened by itself, Shower turned on by itself and many other unexplained activities.

i come to the conclusion that it was John Cena

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCPStudios
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone told me of this alcholic guys ghost that got fired from his haunting job for poor performance.

Apparently, he couldn't handle his boos.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheB0yW0nder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost that haunts the set of a day-time tv talk show?

The Phantom of the Oprah.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mumpledump69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What unlocks a haunted house?

Spooky

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...

Nothing jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently the elevator I’m in is haunted.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the layoffs aboard the haunted pirate ship?

They're down to a skeleton crew.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzmore
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call something that haunts an igloo?

A polar-geist

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drabbbby
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A ghost was arrested for haunting someone’s butt.

It was charged with possession of crack.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the drum when he went to the haunted house?

He got snared.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rslashhuman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What haunts a chicken coop?

Poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socrkng57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m being haunted by a dead chicken!!

It’s a poultrygiest

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost that haunts Santa?

A polargeist

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rawtistic-asian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the ghost haunt the bar?

He was there for the boos.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did 4 not go to the haunted house?

Because he was 2 squared!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cale-k
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
After finally getting rid of the ghost that was haunting my car, he came back.

I guess you could say my cars been repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I once tried doing stand up at a haunted comedy club

I got booed off stage

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fenris752
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought my bathroom was haunted, but...

...it was just a spooky dookie!

PSA: This joke is rated for children 5 years and younger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

That place was giving me the crΓͺpes

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordg52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What streets to ghosts haunt?

Dead Ends.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liglogs492
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I attended a comedy night at a haunted mansion

All the ghosts booed at me.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zance21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Who wrote the book 'The Haunted House Story'?

Hugo First.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maryfountain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate french haunted houses...

They give me the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Haunted liquor store

So my fiancΓ©e and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: β€œI’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” FiancΓ©e: β€œWhat makes you say that?” M: β€œTheir sign says they have Spirits.β€œ

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G1ZMO5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a haunted Kentucky Fried Chicken near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto-McWrect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad, I think school is haunted

Why do you think so, son?

They keep talking about school spirit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minesh245
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of ghost haunts a turkey pen?

A poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlumShadey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to pick my favorite scare from a haunted house...

But nothing really jumped out at me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Haunted French Pancakes...

....really give me the crΓͺpes.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amisamiamiam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a ghost do to get ready to haunt somewhere?

Draw up some booprints.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onthedown_lough
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently the elevator I’m in is haunted.

That’s one way to raise your spirits.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What streets do ghosts haunt?

Boo-levards

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kylex15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, I think school is haunted.

Why do you think so?

They keep talking about school spirit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous414809
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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