You'd never believe that Hank Hill quit his job at Strickland to become a drug dealer

He now sells cocaine and cocaine accessories

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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No, t.hanks you!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Hanks a lot for the pun, but don't over Selleck.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KittyBurritoLand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I met Tom Hanks today!

I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was β€˜thanks’...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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What do you call an octopus that can't count?

A septopus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaydezi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude?

T.Hanks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealisticFake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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How is a dominatrix like Hank Hill?

They're both into pro pain and pro pain accessories

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangeBedfellows
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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I thought I saw Tom Hanks in the woods yesterday.

Turns out it was just a Forest Stump.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Well well well
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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The twelve days of Jokemas, day seven

What is Tom Hanks' favorite drink?

The Polar Expresso

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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What does Hank Hill take when he gets a headache?

Ibupropane

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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An American guy called Hank pulled a tissue from his pocket.

Hank the Yankee yanked his hanky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Tom Hanks walked into a wind tunnel.

The wind tunnel says to him "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Hanks, I'm a huge fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fhoxyd22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.

I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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"Hank Green Tells 41 Dad Jokes in 4 Minutes"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFym8JwlYxY

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamjackson1984
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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Dad joke found in the Tom Hanks AMA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicTuxedo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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I hope Elon Musk does not get involved in any major scandal.

Because Elon-gate will go on forever.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
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Stadiums are going to be so much hotter this summer

They’ll be missing all their fans...

Thanks Hank Green!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtrellik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Why do the English say they're bri ish instead of british?

Because since the incident in Boston, they've learned to hide their t.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IbbeTheCat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Local Starbucks decided to have some p(h)un
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiselab27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Why is Cyclops in charge of the X-Men?

Because Prof. X made him a supervisor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iZacAsimov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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Who is the most grateful actor in the industry?

T. Hanks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbobcool3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?

T'hanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravireads
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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Mules are just half Ass horses
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glove-lover
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
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Can anyone tell me who the actor who played Forrest Gump was?

T. Hanks in advance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy9kills
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Today im watching Toy Story, Big, and Forrest Gump

Because it's T.Hanks-giving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/americangame
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Caught myself singing this while setting up for the family...

β™« If you wanna cook out You've gotta take her out, Propane... β™ͺ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phreakmonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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I think we should all recognize the master of dad jokes...even though he's not a dad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Kirchoff's Law

My dad and I went to lunch today and I was telling him about the things we are learning in my circuits class. I told him all about voltage, current, circuit elements (this is ECE 101) and all kinds of stuff.

Then I start to explain Kirchoff's circuit law... He says "Not to be confused with Kerchief's law. You know, that law about blowing your nose the right way. I think his name was Hank."

He starts laughing as I groan...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShMaLeB1196
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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I saw Tom Hanks earlier today and asked him for an autograph

He just wrote thanks

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirjackhepp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Who is the most grateful actor?

T. Hanks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maerig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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