Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
Why dont grocery stores sell clothing?
Because they don't know what the woolworths.
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. “Kobe!” I shout. “No.” He says in a disappointed tone...
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
I saw a lobster escape a grocery store tank
Police were called to the local grocery store today
A man walked into the produce section and took a leek.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Did you see that guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?
I heard he's on the Chex offender list.
I was at the grocery store the other day getting flour
When a guy walks up next to me and grabs some yeast.
So I said, "A man of culture, I see!"
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
I asked my daughter if we needed anything at the grocery store. She said "Soy Sauce."
I replied: "Ola Sauce, Soy Dad."
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of sprite from the grocery store.
I realised when I got home I picked 7up.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
There was a sale on citrus fruit at the grocery store...
It's for a lime-eted time only!
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied “It’s the Times, New Roman.”
[Grocery Store] “Ok. Milk..check. Bread...check. Bacon..check.”
Cashier: Sir, please stop writing checks for each item separately.
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
My wife: I gotta run to the grocery store after work
Me: wouldn’t it be easier to drive?
My wife: ....it was funny the first 100 times.
Found at the grocery store
What do you get when you combine a grocery store and a clothing store?
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. “Why’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”
Did you hear about the bread shortage at the Indian grocery store?
When I went there, they had naan left.
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
A man goes to the grocery store...
A man goes to the grocery store and buys 2 apples, a banana and an onion.
The lady at the checkout counter says, "You must be single".
The man says, "Wow, how did you know?"
The lady says, "Because you're ugly."
Saw this at the grocery store earlier today
My wife said, “Why did you forget to get all the stuff from the grocery store that I wrote down?”
I said, “When I got there, I felt.....listless.”
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said "No food or drinks inside" So I went home.
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
My friend is a custodian at the grocery store.
Every night he plays supermarket sweep.
Went to the grocery store today. They told me gloves and a mask would be enough...
They LIED. Everybody else had clothes on!
A man walks into a grocery store.
He grabs a pack of toilet paper, and runs out the door shouting, "Cashmere if you can!"
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
Just got back from the grocery store they said all you need is gloves and a mask- they lied
everyone else was wearing clothes
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied “It’s the Times, New Roman.”
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
[grocery store] Ok, milk...check, eggs...check, tomatoes...check.
“Sir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”
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