Sister: No, we probably dont need toMe: No, I dont think its necessaryUncle: No, I think it's dead weight
I totally flipped out.
Piano tuna
It was a whole thing.
So I am known in my group of friends as being the prankster of the group. We are all aerospace engineers and work together, so I have lots of opportunities to booby tap doors, create little explosions, etc. and they can get really annoyed!
This past weekend, we all went on a hiking trip to the Grand Canyon, and on our first night they got me wasted. That night while I was completely passed out, they put a jetpack onto my back that they had rigged to be powered by heaving breathing only.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs ‘WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?’
Taco Bell Grande
Took the family to the Grand Canyon today, on the drive out we passed a wind farm, and I said to the boy to check it out. He casually looks up from his iPad, looks out the window, then back to me, and straight faced says, “I’m a big fan”.
So proud.
He told his doctor he wasn’t feeling two grand
It was one thousand dollars.
They're really raising the steaks
Mount Rushmore, Grand Canyon, Statue of Liberty, Hoover Damn, Golden Gate Bridge, but it’s never enough to satisfy my urge.
It all started after I saw the St. Louis Arch. It was a gateway monument.
When it is so old that only a grand-dad understands the social references, such as songs or other cultural phenomena.
Those karate lessons really paid off.
My son took his eldest daughter (Grace 5yo) to the shops with him to get a few bits for his wife that was on the way back home from hospital after giving birth to thier fourth child.
While there Grace asked "daddy can I have an animal bar" so Adam bought her and her 2 siblings an animal bar for after thier dinner.
On the way back home grace asked "daddy can I have my animal bar now please", "only if you can say please daddy five times" Adam replied, so Grace responded "please daddy five times".
Ive never been prouder
The baby polar bear responds, “Because I’m fucking freezing!!!”
And he got them from his father.
They really are some grand dad jokes.
It was a reboot
I ate £1000, didn’t feel grand after
Brand Canyon.
Since I couldn't shower thought this. I mean it lives on that grey line between both.
Ariana Venti
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡im 25 💀
“Because she couldn’t Break Free.”
Not screaming and crying like his passengers.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
Just remember she can be quite the disease if she gets to you.
Her shopping came out at a grand total of £52.18. She counted out her money which only came to £50, I was quick to assist her.
She begged me not to but it was no issue and before we knew it, we had all her shopping back on the shelf.
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
It’s gorge-ous!!!
Dad: We have not found any good adopters yet.
I am only making a Grand a month.
He says to Patty, ‘Well, how are you?’
Patty goes ‘Grand, say, where ya from?’
John goes ‘I’m from Dublin,’
Patty says ‘Wow, I’m from Dublin too! I’m from near O’Connell Street!’
John goes ‘No way, I’m from near O’Connell Street too!’
‘That’s mad! When did you graduate?’
‘1970,’
‘What! That’s when I graduated! What school?’
‘St. Mary’s!’
‘I went to St. Mary’s too!’
The barkeep overhears this conversation and says ‘Ah jaysus, it’s gonna be a long night.’
The patron he’s serving goes ‘How come?’
Barkeep goes ‘The O’Malley twins are drunk again.’
In other words, there is a small medium at large!
Now he’s a great grandfather
I had come home one day with a tree branch that I wanted to propagate.
Dad: where did you get that?
Me: side of the street
Dad: was the tree on someone's property?
Me: maybe
Dad: did you just commit grand theft arboreal?
Grand Theft Autobot.
They charged me with grand theft auto-troph
It's a grand idea!
