Go To Theater Puns

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.

Because he has nobody to go with.

And why he doesn't tell his wife about it?

Because he has no guts.

"Aw man all the good seats are taken!"

Never mind. I just read the reviews. It looks like it's just a bad play on words.

Me: Sure, tell me one son. My Son: Did you know that Lincoln had a guard with him at the theater where he was shot, but that the guard left to go across the street to have a drink and that's why Lincoln wasn't guarded when he was shot? Me: No, son, I had no idea. My Son: But that's not all. It was the same bar that John Wilkes Booth was waiting in before going to kill the president. Me: So did they see each other? My Son: I'm not sure dad. I'm thinking Booth might have been waiting to see if he would come in before he went over to shoot Lincoln. Me: I wonder if the guard came in, and Booth ask him if he could buy him a shot?!?!? My Son: audibly smacks head

I heard that the people of Webster's dictionary are teaming up with the Shakespeare theater company to introduce a new production. I hear its just going to be a play on words.

Me: Hey honey, I really want to go see 'It' at the theaters this week.

Fiance: I really wanna see It too!

Me: See what?

Fiance: It

Me: Huh?

Fiance: Oh shut up rolls eyes

Setting: movie theater during the "fish are friends" scene; aka heavy talking

(Dad) psst

(Me) what

(Dad) where do fish go to have a drink

(Me) not able to hear dialogue Idc shhhh

(Dad) a can-tuna

(Me) goddammit

EDIT: Thanks for getting me to the frontpage of /r/dadjokes for a day! I'm glad you all benefitted from my pain!

So, its the day "Clash of the Titans' comes out in theaters. My dad decides to take my brother and I, (we're all big fans), so we get there early and are waiting out in the lobby, my dad and brother go to the bathroom, I wait on a bench for them. A few minutes go by and I see them coming out, my dad giggling at himself, my brother red with embarrassment, and some men behind them laughing.. I want to know, but do I really want to know?

"What did you do?"

He proceeded to tell me of how he overheard some guys chatting about how excited they are for the movie, then realized everyone in there was probably going to see the same movie we are, so he thought it would be a good idea to get in the conversation. He calmy unzipped his pants and yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" as he peed.

And that was all he said.

My poor brother.

(Sitting in movie theater)

Me: Move, I have to go to the bathroom.

Dad: Alright, I'll Pause it.

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.