I was waiting in line for my tickets to the LA Phil last night when the box office staff asked "is everyone in this line here for Will Call? This is the line for Will Call."

To which I replied, "No, I'm here for Beethoven. Who the heck is Will Call?" Worth it for the few 'extra air out of the nose' laughs I got from the three people around me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/numba1dmxfan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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β€œOfficer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”

Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?” He sighed...

"It’s a moving violation!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said I’m free to go.

I replied β€œactually it cost me about $80”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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There was a train officer with an insulin pump handing out tickets at the speed of light.

He was a type 2 superconductor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_cheggman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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When i was 17 i brought my future wife to Prom..

Went to get tickets from the office, waited in line for a while but got sorted.

Had to rent a limo, another line in their office but got one pretty quick.

Remembered I needed flowers, ran to the local florist, this time there was a massive line but they looked after me.

Eventually we got to Prom. Future Wife asks me to get her some punch.

I go to the refreshments table

Theres no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnrlp2007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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Channeling The Beatles

So my wife and eldest daughter are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. They are talking about parking a car at school, and getting the ticket that allows this from the office. I step into the room:

Me: β€œYou guys are talking about a ticket to park?”

Kid: β€œYeah”

Me: β€œBut I thought Paul McCartney said it was a ticket to ride...”

Wife: β€œShut up dear”

I look at the kid and point to my wife:

β€œShe don’t care.....”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trazom28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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My dad never fails to amaze me with these.

Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosygreg
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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My dad told me this one the other day....

A woman gets pulled over by a police man. When the police officer comes up to her side door, she asks, "Do you have my ticket to the Police Ball?". The officer is confused and asks, "Excuse me, ma'am?" The woman asks again, "Do you have my ticket to the Police Ball? I'm dying to go" The officer goes, "Ma'am, we don't have any balls."

Ba dum ching

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khaycock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Me: Officer, why are you crying while writing me a ticket?

Cop: It’s such a moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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β€œOfficer, are you crying while you are writing me a ticket?”

Cop: It’s a...moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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β€œOfficer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”

Cop: Yes. It’s quite a moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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β€œOfficer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”

Cop: Yes. It’s quite.....a moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?

Cop: It was a moving violation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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