When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.

So I bought her a candle.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I guess you can say Santa gives kids gifts... ON THE HOUSE
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Angry-Goose
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
last gift on birthday
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabrinna_22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My French shrink gave me a gift...

It has a great SantΓ© Mentale value

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.

They call it mourning wood.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm just going with the classic spaceheater. It's the best housewarming gift I can think of.

Title.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbuzz4780
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I gifted my back door neighbors a ice crusher.

It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bernies-mitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I found this gift that I got for Christmas soda-pressing! v.redd.it/6jekcmw036861
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rk_lancer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I certainly soap you like it.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the best housewarming gift?

A space heater.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.

Unfortunately, I already Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/memetric_system
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift

That's why it's called PRESENT.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do mechanical engineers gift their loved ones?

Baerings.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chakith_kumar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift

He said it blows.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremeBaconist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosswoodMama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?

A velociWraptor

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best present you can gift?

A broken drum kit.

Nobody can beat that....

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Michismelody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?

Hiss and her bath towels

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstockmoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?

She gave him her peas.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.

She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
When someone gifts you a watch
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...

I said: β€œIf you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yurgenbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments

β€œThey’re going to be napping papers”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepoid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.

Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948

It was a low New Years resolution

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.

He called them missile toes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers

They will all be Santatized

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my brother a hot dog for Christmas.

...I always knew that he would relish his gift.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Who is most fond of gag gifts?

The BDSM club

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dodsdans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
An intents one
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Pun request?

Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.

I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. β€œI hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?

But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OMWasap
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.

I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.

I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.

It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are cats considered mindful when their is an open gift box nearby?

Because they always live in the present.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best housewarming gift?

A heater

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thecoolnerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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