What does a dyslexic war general use for his bad breath?

Guerrilla TicTacs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/southwoodhunter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Why are Northern people generally more rich?

Because there are so many snow banks around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Sturgeon General’s Warning

β€œPlease don’t eat caviarβ€”it’s our children!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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General: "Fire at will!"

Soldier: "Which one's Will?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Where does a General keep his Armies?

In his Sleevies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeachPeachMcgee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Tag-und Nacht
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roof-Patient
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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do you know why Obi-wan Kenobi is called general kenobi and not specific kenobi?

because the sith only deal in absolutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McCarty_Bedell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store

But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Puns about the body are generally corny,

But puns about the eye are cornea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shareinagroove
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!

I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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General Kitchy-Kitchy just led a military coup!

It's a Kitchy-Kitchy Koo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...

Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt. Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt. Son: gives me a blank look Me: It's holy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthCoffeeBean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I like parks in general...

...but zoo are a sick park!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/operian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...

It's like he blew up overnight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see

When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Did you hear about the army general who retreated from an army wearing sandals?

He was scared of defeat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inevitablenarwhal
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What did the general say to their troops?

March 4th

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevballs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Went to the gym and saw some guy working out dressed as General Grievous

He was working fourarms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subtle_Static
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?

He hit him with "Ja-Pan"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trainsylvania
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Why did the military general refuse to use social media?

It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I don’t like to make sweeping generalizations

They’re almost never true.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmodes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.

Sorry, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Meditate on it
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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What did the General who lost both his arms, use to fight his wars?

His Leggies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcflufin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Those Duke boys sure do like to jump their car over things...

... General Lee speaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djxiii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Have you guys tried General Tso Tso's chicken?

It's alright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBeardOfDeath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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Me and the boiengs
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jebbaok
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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What did the general have up his sleeves

His armies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrew66655321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the General keep his armies?

In his sleevies..

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/savagecheefer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atvian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Where did the General put this Armies?

In his sleevies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Where do Generals keep their armies?

Up their sleevies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostOuttaOrder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a General put his armies?

In his sleevies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the General keep his Armies?

In his sleevies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kerfandrosSr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googonite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the General keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prasaadii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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