In the great pyramid of geezer
I love a good murder conspiracy
It was a real shindig
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
.....but a moving ceiling fan, sure gathers a lot of dust.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
That's what I herd, anyway.
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
thats right, I went on A Bee See(ABC)
B-E-E-S
.. last year I raked it in.
Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.
βI didnβt know you spoke German!β he replied
... One of them isnβt Happy.
They figured out the fairest way to name their country was to pull letters out of a hat. So they gathered around and a guy started pulling letters...
pulls letter "C, eh."
pulls another "N, eh."
pulls another "D, eh."
And that's how Canada got its name.
Lettuce pray
They loved chalk lit.
A root of squares.
"Once a pawn a time..."
I went to play station 5
Daughter, are you here? Son? Where is my brother? Is everyone here in this room with me now?
Yes Dad we're all here! Your entire family is here in this room!
Then why is the hallway light on?
The lumberjack responded, βAnd you will dialogue.β
They followed the guidance religiously.
Crowd funding
They have been Austriacized..
Vigil aunties.
Theyβre supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.
A meat and eat!
It's called Tallinn
But it wasn't for altruism of course, they all stood to make an enormous prophet.
It was just gathering dust.
It was slimy pickings for dinner that evening.
6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?
6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.
Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.
12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.
Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.
Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.
Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.
Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"
7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.
We call it our Con Den session.
I found the Sir conference.
"I've rounded them up"
The leader donkey got shot and killed.
Ass-as-a-nation
Clerk, attempting to add me to their email list: βDo you have a good email?β
Me: βItβs pretty good but I donβt know that I would brag about it. Thank you for asking.β
Clerk, as everyone around begins to laugh: βI love dad jokes. I need to call my dadβ
My daughter tried to fain embarrassment but still tells that story at family gatherings.
He hopes to make a bundle!
I had never met herbivore
..Raked it in last year.
