It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkinbiskits
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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When my car has gas, I'm tank-full

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.

Did he ride it? No. It wooden start

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Why did the farmer keep putting spools of thread into the gas tank of his tractor?

Someone told him it was a sowing machine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I pumped unleaded gas into my diesel vehicle’s tank this morning...

It was a very fuelish mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?

The bartender shook his head, β€œHere comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, β€œWhat’s wrong?” The bartender replied, β€œThose guys get together and they become cantankeros.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What is it called when a tank of natural gas curses? Propane-ity.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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If you heat up a Panzer enough, will it be a gas tank?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wirt2004
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Quarters in the gas tank

So money's a little tight right now and I had a 10$ roll of quarters I was going to use to put gas in my gas tank.

When I picked up my girlfriend from her school she asked, "Did you put those quarters in the gas tank"?

"Yeah," I replied, "I put them in the tank, though I probably should have just bought gas with them..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullRegalia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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When you borrow a chair

I borrowed my daughter's desk chair for about ten minutes earlier today. As I was bringing it back I said "They say when you borrow someone's car you should return it with a full tank of gas..." It took her about 3 seconds to reply "Nooooo! Did you fart in my chair?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beirdo-Baggins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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I think my car has a gas leak...

I have to keep filling the gas tank

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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How do you make a car go fast?

Put sugar in the gas tank. It’ll be hyper, until it crashes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AUTOSHAWT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Me: Driving a tank

Me: Fill her up please.

Gas Station Attendant: Fill it all the way up?

Me: Yes, I want a full tank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yanikk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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EVERY TIME he goes to the gas station

Dad: I'm going to fill the car up with gas AND put fuel in the tank!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloomello28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.

Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.


I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primatebuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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A few weeks late Thanksgiving dad joke

Going around the table saying our thanks during Thanksgiving when my dad drops,

"I'm tankful of gas in my car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattmccarty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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My dad while cooking dinner last night...

We just got a new propane powered fire pit for our back yard and we are switching propane tanks around to make it work. My mom asked: "so does the fire pit have gas?" My dad responded without skipping a beat: "Why? Did you give it beans?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moabroa
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
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My dad offers a good one next time you put your car in the shop...

If you go to one of those shops where they offer to "top off all your fluids" here's something you dads can use. Dad: calls auto shop Yea I'd like to call and complain Shop owner: Yes sir, what's the problem? Dad: Well, I put my car in your shop today and you offered to top off ALL my fluids. Well you didn't. Shop owner: I'm sorry sir, what did we miss? Dad: I still have half a tank of gas! So you didn't top off all my fluids! insert facepalm here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuneralShadow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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My dad’s motorbike has a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels, and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it?

Nope, it wooden start

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Wood Motorcycle

A man once built a bike all of wood. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden motor, even wooden gas tank.

Did he ever ride it? No, because it wooden start!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/browserleet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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