I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher
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Itself just isn't a very funny word.
Because dad is never around to laugh.
No, it just makes it not plain.
A panda goes into a restaurant and orders some bamboo for dinner. After he is done he asks the waiter for the bill.
As the waiter approaches he pulls out a semi-automatic and starts opening fire.
The scared and confused waiter asks him why is he doing all this.
The Panda just hands him a dictionary with a bookmark pointing to panda.
Panda: Eats shoots and leaves
So recently there's some news of a student taking food from the community fridge that doesn't belong to them. I'm in charge of making a parody of Iggy's Azeala's song "Fancy". I want to make a joke that uses both things.
The best I can come up with is What does your food in the community fridge and the parody video have in common? It's gonna be as cool as if you found your food in the fridge.
I'm sure there's something better.
Me: I'm hungry. When's the pizza going to get here? Dad: Probably when the pizza guy does.
I told my dog a joke while throwing a ball. He didn't get it.
My dad has been making the same joke for 20+ years.
Every time I am reading and the light nearest to where I am sitting is not on, my dad sees his golden opportunity.
Without fail he will walk over, turn on the light, and say, "Why don't you shed a little light on the subject." Every. Time. He doesn't even need a response, just walks away chuckling.
I was talking to my sister on the phone asking her how my nephew was and how she has been recently, etc.
Then she says, "So some guy called me yesterday..."
I interrupted her and asked, "But I thought your name was Brittany?"
Followed by brief silence and the groan that signifies victory.
Went outside to the patio where my dad was smoking a cigar.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No. I got all of them cut."
ba da bum .. tiss
Me: Hey dad I got an A on my exam!
Dad: Oh wow you are a pretty fart smeller, rabblerabble I mean a pretty SMART feller! HAshHAshHA
Me: I am moving out...
