We have to....She doesn't have one.
After she rang through all my items, the cashier at the grocery store asked “is that everything.” I replied “no, but I can’t afford everything.”
If you have ever put together a new BBQ, you know how bad the instructions can be. Yesterday, my wife and I struggled through the horrible task. When we finally figured out the last complicated step, I exclaimed “Yes! Now we’re cooking with gas.”
She actually smiled at that one, which is rare when I make Dad jokes.
I can't really see what's so funny about it.
It’s lol-less
She wanted me to quit making so many jokes. She thought it would de-pun our relationship
a punsexual
I can never run out of jokes.
But I just couldn't completely digest it.
sarchasm
2.....inside & outside
Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
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I wonder where I poo tit.
It can also be a verb.
People in Qatar don't like the Flintstones, But the people in AbuDhabi do!!
Son, I'm looking for that tool of mine that makes holes in things. You know, the drill.
A Danish scientist has delved into the roots of silly, fatherly, humour and come up with a possible explanation
https://psyarxiv.com/r9mhc/
Found this on Twitter:
My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”
solemn.
Some say I’m shredded while others say I’m cheesy.
Son : I told your Tom Jones joke at school today and nobody laughed.
Me : Where did you tell it? Outside in the playground?
Son : Yes
Me : It must be an inside joke then.
So, I'm not 100% this belongs here. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments.
I work overnights at a hotel. Last night I had a drunk guy walk up to the desk. He looks at me and goes "No eyelids man. My nephew was born today and he doesn't have any eyelids."
I'm pretty used to drunk people coming up to the desk and talking at me, but this caught my attention. I tell the guy its not the worst thing in the world and I'm sure they will be able to fix it, its better than being born blind, etc.
The guy looks up at me and says, "Yeah, they're gonna use his foreskin to fix it....My nephew is gonna be cockeyed!"
Her> Would you like me to pack?
Me> We've only just met. I didn't know you were leaving already.
So my parents are trying to sell a house at the moment, but having a bit of trouble with it. Mum and dad were discussing it after dinner tonight, and mum was saying she was angry about how it wasn't selling.
Me: "Angry? You won't like her when she's angry."
Mum: "No actually, not really angry, I'm just upset."
Me: "You won't like her when she's upset!"
Dad: "Watch out! It's the Incredible Sulk!"
