All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
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👤︎ u/shane0clock
📅︎ Oct 10 2020
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Next to a Dad teaching his kid to use a fuel pump...

"You just press this button ... IT'S GUNNA BLOW!!"

Followed by embarrassed teen noises.

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👤︎ u/misspoetatoe
📅︎ Oct 19 2014
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So I was getting gas today..

And I saw a woman smoking while she was fueling. I'm sitting there in dismay when I look over at another pump and see two cops leaning against their car eating hotdogs.

I start giving them this look of "don't you see this? Are you going to do anything?" they seemed unconcerned.

Just as I look back to the woman, I see her arm had caught fire and she's freaking out, flaling her arm around trying to put it out. Suddenly the cops tackle her, putting out the fire and then they arrest her.

I asked them "well, why the hell are you arresting her for? Isn't getting burned bad enough? One of the cops just looked at me and said

"She was waving around a firearm! "

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/Cresano
📅︎ Jan 14 2017
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An inventor was making a new engine

... but he was having trouble with the fuel pump. Every time the pressure dropped, it would start getting clogged and would shut down.

Eventually he had inspiration, and set things up to work in parallel: now if one intake started having trouble, the rest would still keep it running smoothly.

Lesson learned, don't put all your ebbs in one gasket

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👤︎ u/The_Possum
📅︎ Feb 14 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Feb 22 2016
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Economical dad joke

In Oregon (US) every gas station has attendants to pump your gas, and you're not allowed to pump it yourself. When my friend found this out she said "Did you know it's illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon" to which I replied "I guess they're just trying to fuel the economy"

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📅︎ May 10 2014
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